After a tearful and honest discussion with Kim, it was decided that I could wait at least one year before beginning this transition. I not only needed that time establish myself in a new job, but Kim would need that precious time to come to terms with the fact that her husband was about to become, to her anyway, her female partner. In the past, during discussions with her about my transsexualism, she had made it clear that this was not acceptable to her.

Once I had come to Kim and made her understand the depths of the despair that trying to be who she wanted me to be was causing, and that I was about to die, she thankfully wanted to keep me in her life and Mackenzie's life as a family. She wanted me to be with them in any form as opposed to the undesirable alternative. This, however, was going to take some time for her to adjust to. Then, as this summer approached, she needed to grieve her perceived loss of John and find a way to embrace Joanne.

The next year consisted at work of me doing everything I could to make myself as desirable and indispensable as possible to which I had reasonable success. I decided after a little over a year at the conservative bank I work for that October 4 would be the beginning of life for me. I wanted to inform my employers one month in advance to explain my situation, dispell their fears and/or misconceptions about transsexuals and give them some time to formulate a logistical strategy that would allow me to assimilate into their workplace at a minimum distraction.

On September 4, I sat down with my supervisor and spent approximately 45 minutes telling him of my gender dilemma, and it was somewhere tempered between pouring my heart out to this man and at the same time, maintaining a degree of professionalism with him. This was well-received to the point that my supervisor concurred that, given these circumstances, beginning my transition was indeed in the best interest of myself as well as my family and also, my employer.

At this point, I had already drafted a formal letter disclosing my condition and my intentions to correct this condition. I also showed him pictures of Joanne to assure him that I would be presenting myself in a feminine but professional manner. I didn't want him to think I'd be wearing sequined evening gowns or feather boas to work or that my appearance would cause a distraction.

This meeting started a chain reaction of meetings between my boss and his boss, and that boss' boss. who happens to be the vice president of that division in our company. A few days later, I met with the vice president, with my supervisor present, where they informed me that as long as I could make this transition without major disruption to their workplace, they would be fully supportive. At this time, the vice president expressed an interest to know more about transsexualism so, two days later, I submitted excerpts of reading material that I found very informative, and after reading it, all the supervisors agreed.

After a couple more meetings with them in the following weeks, though, they were seeming to me to be quite non-committal about my support. They did not want to inform the other employees, but said I could tell those in my department. They also said for me to make my own decision as to which restroom I would use. I said, in the spirit of not causing a distraction in their workplace, going to the woman's restroom made the most sense.

Then, four days before my journey was about to begin, a wonderful and unexpected thing happened. I was called into the vice president's office again, and this time, not only was my boss present but his as well. What did they want to tell me? They called me in to say that news of my transition had spread rampantly throughout the company, and that they had received substantial negative feedback from female co-workers who were uncomfortable with the thought of me using their restroom(s).

I had originally, in my first meeting with the vice president, proposed that they allow me to use one of the four ladies rooms in the facility. I then proposed that they inform female workers of this so that if a woman was uncomfortable with the prospect of me being in the ladies room at the same time with her, she could use one of the other three ladies rooms. Initially, they dismissed that during their non-committal phase.

In this most recent meeting, they informed me that they were going to install a deadbolt lock on one of the ladies room doors, and that they would, in fact, brief the entire company, department by department about me and bathroom protocol. If a woman wanted to use the restroom I was allowed to use and did not want me in there with her, she could simply lock the door. I would also lock the door behind me when using the restroom. They also wanted to relocate my seat to an area in my department with less visibility and less foot traffic to lessen possible distraction. I was agreeable to this, and to be honest, after researching this on my own and talking with others, I had concluded that I would have very little in the way of rights so I would have been agreeable to just about anything. Then came the big day.

After getting up extra early October 4, I took my time getting ready so that I might blend in with the masses at work. I had a relaxing breakfast, and then it was time to go into the great unknown. I did two things that, in retrospect, I'm extremely glad that I did to prepare for that morning. One, I made a tape of music to get me in the mood and keep me relaxed. Two, I left extra early for work. That allowed for a relaxing and pleasant drive to work, while arriving early allowed me to get settled in before everyone else arrived. Also, it was less stressful, because I didn't have the parade through the gauntlet of co-workers. In other words, I didn't come to them, they would have to come to me.

Unknown to me at the time, during employee briefings that morning, the company had taken a great stance to protect me by somewhat heavy-handedly informing employees that they would have a no tolerance policy in regards to harassment of me or any related distraction in their workplace. Therefore, my arrival was pretty inconsequential. People were polite and friendly across the board, but it took a little time for me to get comfortable in my new skin.

After about two hours, I was still a little panicky and unsettled. I had made an error in logic; you see my job requires me to talk on the phone at a collections office to nearly 300 customers per day. Logic and experience had told me that the telephone was very androgynous which would bode well for me. Plus, I thought that my female voice was fairly passible. The problem was that, one, I was trying too hard because I wasn't relaxed so I didn't sound as convincing as usual. Everyone was calling me sir!

It was really upsetting me, but then I had two revelations that saved me. I guess you say it nothing more than an attitude adjustment. I thought to myself "This is not the worst day of your life, sweetie. In fact, it's one of the best! You've been waiting nearly your whole life for this day so why don't act like it!". Then I thought, if the phone is indeed androgynous, and I may call a woman sir by accident, it only makes sense that they may make the same mistake with me, in fact, they would be more likely to call me sir. After all, I wasn't born a woman, plus I have a deep voice.

In the best case scenario, I would be a woman with a rather husky voice. So it didn't make any sense to take being called sir personally. I didn't need to feel defensive about this. Voila! It was a wonderful recognition to make, and my day changed immediately. All of the sudden, I was in a great frame of mind. I was comfortable with myself, I was relaxed, I sounded better and when a customer called me sir, I didn't take it personally, I simply corrected them which seemed to cause the customer great embarrassment. I actually thought that was extremely funny. It, in a way, was empowering. Now they were rattled, not me! The rest of the day continued smoothly, and my production was better than it had ever been.

You see, the key to what I do is to be able to control a conversation, whether it's good or bad feedback from the customer. If I am more comfortable with myself, then I am more confident. If I am more confident, then I become more assertive. If I am more assertive, then I can more effectively control a conversation. As a result, I am the most productive person in my department now. I was above average before the transition, but now I had taken it to a new level. As far as work was concerned, this would work out well because they had lost a good worker and gotten a great worker in exchange.

It has now been two months since the beginning of this journey-journey is so cliche-and things have continued smoothly for me. They have now given me my new nameplate, workers who weren't comfortable calling me Joanne at first are now. No one calls me John except for a rare slip-up, and these co-workers are telling me now how much more natural I seem and how much more comfortable with myself and how happy I am.

Even things at home are great. Kim is getting more comfortable every day calling me Joanne, and Mackenzie, as expected is completely unphased. She calls me Pippi instead of daddy and has not called me daddy once since the transition started. Why Pippi you ask? My last name is Pippin, and as a young boy, I had orange hair and freckles. As a result, any of the neighborhood kids that wanted to get under my skin would call me Pippi Longstocking. I hated that name because little did they know that I was already struggling with my gender identity. Being called that name only made me ultra-sensitive and reminded me of what I already didn't know how to handle. Now that name comes full circle, and the same name that caused me all that pain is the source of joy and healing. I know it's sappy, but it kinda makes sense, doesn't it?

To conclude this long-winded soliloquy, it's still early into transition, but I'm quite grateful for all the support and acceptance I have gotten. The best part however, is that now I have the acceptance of the most important person in all this...me! Everyone wants to be accepted and liked, but I have indeed found liberation of self. I accept and love myself and therefore, while it's nice to have, I do not require or depend on the acceptance of others. That is a gift that I will always treasure, and I suspect that the result of this for those who are actively a part of my life is that they will have a happier and better neighbor, co-worker, friend, relative and spouse. Thanks to all those in my corner, and to all of you who haven't reached this point in your life yet, hang in there and try to have hope. If you still have hope then you still have a chance for happiness.