FROM A MOTHER, TO FAMILY AND FRIENDS

Dearest Family and Friends,

My husband and I are purchasing a house in Brandville so that David and I will have a place to start a new journey.

The journey actually started for me around eight months ago when David came to me and told me that before the age of five years old he has felt uncomfortable about his body. He felt that he should have been born a girl. He did not like these feeling as they made him feel confused, sad and lonely.

Imagine a little boy, your little boy laying in bed at night praying to God to please let him wake up the next day a little girl and correct the mistake that He had made at birth. Not a pleasant thought.

Well, he continues to feel that everything about his life is wrong and that he can no longer live the lie that he has been living for the past 17 years. His discomfort level with his body is such, that he has tried to commit suicide on more than one occasion and he will do so if he is forced to live a life that does not conform with his mind, his soul and his spirit.

Through the years, to counteract and hopefully change his feeling of being a girl, David has tried desperately to change his mental image of himself. He played football, baseball, high school track and of course ice and roller hockey. He tried so hard that he excelled in all. He finished his hockey career with the award for the most valuable goalie in the national competition held in Iowa. He felt the rougher the sport the less chance anyone would find out about his secret.

You see not only is Gender Identity Disorder devastating to the individuals sense of well being but it is the shame one feels that is the hardest part to endure. It is the shame that society puts on the individual that they feel does not conform to the so-called "norms".

The ironic part of this is that the professionals feel that this disorder is biological in nature. So all this shame for what? David has no control over this feeling. Oh course, it is not a choice regardless of what the causes are. In order to get any kind of relief from this gender dysphoria, the person must either commit suicide, resign to live a lie and be totally miserable for life or have sex reassignment surgery. Not something that sounds like a choice to me.

Well, being the parents that Steve and I are, we have chosen to use our unconditional love to show David that he will not be destined to a life of misery. He will have everything that is possible to make his life easier and happier than even he could have imagined in those dark and lonely nights that he spent in the dark crying and praying for a miracle that could never happen. It took David an incredible amount of courage and 16 years of his life to ask for the help and understanding that is needed to start the long and difficult transition to become the person that David was destined to become.

Well, this brings me back to the journey that David and I am about to embark. Once we start this trip there is no turning back. I say we because I will be with David every step of the way. Just like I would be if he had cancer or any other devastating illness. I will not rest until I see my sweet David transformed into the girl that she so desires

I understand that this will take you some time getting used to, and I will be happy to talk over with you any questions or thoughts you may have about any of this, but please don't feel sorry for us. Yes, we are facing a difficult situation but not one that is expected to end in death or some other sad scenario. We look at this as if a butterfly was about to spread its wings. A beautiful living creature is going from being trapped in a dreadful dark existence to a lovely bright being.

I understand that you may question the resolution that we have chosen but in my hours and hours of research, and my meetings with the professionals there is no "cure". Or is there a chance that these feelings will ever go away. Nothing will ever change this, except change.

So, my dear friends and family, what I am asking from you is compassion and understanding of something that you may never understand. I am asking that you look into the eyes of your loved ones and cherish the important things in life and not get caught up in the "little" things, because we never know what the very next minute may bring to our lives.

One other thing I ask is to please don't treat us like lepers; we are very comfortable talking about this to anyone. We have educated ourselves enough to answer any question you may have about Gender Identity Disorder. We are not embarrassed about this and we hope that you will not be with us either. We did not ask for this to happen but with any other challenge that God gives us, we pick up our cross and bear it. If we can make you feel any more comfortable about it, please let us help you.

With a Loving Heart,

Louise

September 24, 1999