• Across the Fruited Plain
by Vanessa W.
February 27 - March 1, 1998

Karen and I and a friend of mine began our trek westward around 10:00 A.M. and completed our journey about six and a half hours later when we accidentally stumbled across the college campus while looking for our hotel. Registration was done quickly and we navigated our way to our hotel accommodations for the weekend. After unpacking the car, we set out to find Midway Airport to pick up Deanna, the mother of a ten year old FTM transsexual.

Since Deanna's flight was delayed for an hour and a half, and we were hungry, we ate dinner near the airport, after which we located our missing passenger. Getting back to the hotel was relatively easy, and our room was comfortable, but not nearly spacious enough to conform to the needs of four females. As Karen and Deanna looked over their packets of registration information and planned for the weekend, my friend and I made plans to sight see in Chicago.

After breakfast Saturday morning, Karen and Deanna took in a speech by Leslie Feinberg and several workshop sessions. They were later joined by the last member of our presenters, Ellie. Meanwhile, my friend and I spent most of the morning and afternoon walking through downtown Chicago, after which we rejoined the rest of the group for dinner at a Grecian restaurant. Our return to the hotel after dinner was a brief one for me and my friend, as we chose to take in some of Chicago's night life, followed by a few hours of sleep before the presentation on Sunday.

Sunday morning, we were joined again by Ellie and proceeded with our topic. Three mothers of FTM and one MTF told our stories and shared our experiences with transgenderedness to a handful of willing listeners. The pain and confusion of dealing with a lack of transgendered information, as well as the rapture of seeing a person become a whole individual when the condition is understood were exposed.

We tried to incorporate the Attitude Continuum, going from total non-acceptance and pity to tolerance and acceptance, into the minds of our audience. We attempted to explain the loneliness and isolation the condition causes its owner. We tried to dispel the myths and misconceptions of deviant behavior and non-acceptance. Mostly, we gave our listeners a small glimpse into the world of transgendered individuals and the families that love them. Words like "anger", "betrayal", "disappointment", and "death" were catch phrases we shared. Afterwards, we took the time to talk with each audience member individually.

We said our farewells to Ellie and the remaining four of us had lunch with Randi Ettner, a noted sex therapist for children and adolescents who have been diagnosed with transgenderedness. We got to share many questions and answers. We said good-bye to Deanna after lunch and headed to Milwaukee, Wisconsin where we arrived at Karen's sister's house despite the dense fog and stayed the night. Karen was able to arrange for another transsexual living in the Milwaukee area to visit with us and receive copies of the material that we had distributed in Chicago.

We departed Monday morning and took our time with stops for food, fuel, rest and shopping, finally making it into Cleveland at about 2:00 A.M. Tuesday morning. What was most distressing about the trip was that Karen had taken ill with a cold, so we arrived a little bit sick and a whole lot tired. The positive side was that we were able to bring some order to the disorderly condition of being transgendered.

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The futile attempts of Old Man Winter weren't enough to deter the team of TransFamily members from their speaking engagement in Berea, Ohio. The subject of "Transgender 101", as we call it, was presented to a teen group from Mr. James Hassel's school. These were students, with a few parents in attendance, that meet monthly with Mr. Hassel for awareness sessions on gay, lesbian and straight sexual issues. It was arranged to give these young people first time exposure to transgendered individuals and their adjustments into society.

The presentation was accomplished, despite the wintry blasts of cold, wind, and snow that had become only memories of previous winters in Cleveland. Our team of Karen Gross and myself was this time joined by Kelli H. and Eryqua. As per usual, the identification of human gender was dissected from the entity of human sexuality and explained in a transgendered perspective. The emphasis of our visit included the difficulties that young people have in "coming out" to family, friends, school personnel, and psychological professionals.

Most motivating to Mr. Hassel's volunteers were the histories that Kelli and Eryqua gave. Each spoke with integrity and through personal emotional feelings to convey to the teens the transsexual's anguish and accomplishments in their transition process. Particularly revealing was the fact that the transgendered condition is evident in a child's early years. Transgendered feelings are recognized by transgendered children and often reported to adults. The differences this child feels cannot readily be dismissed, and should not be ignored or minimized.

Following our time with the group, we were approached by individuals wanting to ask more insightful and specific questions about our lives. We were only able to scratch the surface of our very complicated condition but possibly we brought to their attention that transgendered people are, first and foremost, people. After awareness comes acknowledgment, and with that it is up to our audience to learn more. We will be more than willing to share with anyone those lessons we have learned by living everyday.

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On Monday, March 16, a group of us went to see Ma Vie en Rose at the Cedar Lee Theater (tickets are only $3 on Mondays). The movie was sold out for the 7:30 P.M. showing; poor Jackie sat on the aisle step so that she could be with our group. We had tried to save her a seat, but with less than 5 minutes to show time, we had to allow someone else to take the seat.

Ma Vie en Rose is, in a word, wonderful. It is sad and funny, capable of evoking both tears and laughter. I think "bittersweet" sums it up accurately. Even with the undoubtedly censored subtitles (the dialogue is in French), the characters' emotions come through.

In a nutshell, the movie is about Ludovic, a 7 year old boy who believes that he is a girl. Actually, it is really about the whole family and how they deal with Ludovic's crossgender behavior. We are shown not only Ludovic's personal struggles, but also the pain of parents who dearly love their "unusual" and unhappy child. While Ludovic struggles to understand why he isn't and can't be a girl, his parents struggle to accept their youngest child's differences.

There are funny moments in the movie, such as when Ludovic, dressed in a pink dress, and his friend pretend they are getting married. The teddy bear who is standing in for the vicar falls from his perch at the same moment that the friend's mother faints upon hearing "the vicar" say that the bride and groom could kiss.

Ma Vie en Rose is a wonderful portrayal of the difficulties that transsexual and transgendered children suffer, often without even understanding why. The movie made no attempt to show transsexuals in either a positive or negative light. It showed the audience that transsexuals are just average people trying to survive like everyone else. What was positive, however, was the way the family supported its youngest member even when things were looking bleak.

Ma Vie en Rose doesn't have a fairy tale ending as one might hope. There is no resolution for Ludovic's problem. The parents don't find a magical cure. Life goes on, as it must, with everyone doing the best they can.

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On March 19th, Bob, Karen, Vanessa and Jackie traveled to Akron to share TransFamily with the Akron PFLAG group. We were joined by Mitch and Charlie, Mina, Joe, Fran, Dawn and Tatiana at the meeting site at the Springfield Presbyterian Church on the southeast side of Akron along with almost fifty members of the Akron PFLAG. Bob began the presentation with his "Transgender 101" lecture, describing the four categories of biological/physical sex (what's between our legs), societal roles (how we interact), sexual preference (who we love), and gender identity (what's between our ears). His excellent walking presentation was followed immediately by Karen's story talking about parental grieving and loss of expectations, and the subsequent joy of seeing her child become a happier and more stable person. Mitch and Charlie talked a bit about their relationship, their new home, and the acceptance of other members of their families. Other members of TransFamily gave brief biographical summaries and reinforced the presentations given earlier.

After a short question and answer session, there was a break, during which individuals came up to ask more personal and intimate questions.

After the break, each member of Akron PFLAG introduced themselves and Bruce, David and Toby wrapped up the meeting by thanking our group for coming to the meeting and giving such an interesting presentation, and invited us to come back again to join their support group. Our group volunteered to assist any new and questioning transgendered individuals from Akron PFLAG who might need additional support.

TransFamily of Cleveland was founded to provide support and education for transgendered persons, their families, friends and significant others. We hope to form an outreach group to promote awareness of transgendered persons and their issues through PFLAG and to bring awareness to our school systems, through their principals and counselors, by offering literature, speakers, consultation, and support. We would like to publish a list of helpful resource people in the Cleveland Area. If you have a counselor, psychologist, attorney, or any other special friends please give their information and their written permission to use their name in our resource list to Karen, Mitch or Vanessa. If you have previously given us a name, please resubmit it as the computer has eaten some of the information!

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I have a proposal that I want you to think about. In order to give Bob & Karen a break, what do you think about holding the June meeting at a restaurant? It may not be much more expensive than creating some of the wonderful casseroles we share each month. For the restaurant I have in mind, it would have to be on Monday and we would need a minimum of 40 reservations, but we would have the place to ourselves. We'll talk more about it in April.

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If winter knocked on Cleveland's door the day before, then it kicked the hinges off the following day. It was on that day that we were traveling to Edinboro, Pennsylvania. Our destination was the University of Edinboro, to speak to college students and instructors concerning transgenderedness. Basically using the same format as in many of our other appearances, Karen and I were joined by a new panel of TransFamily members. Our esteemed group included Dawn N., Phil W., Gail and Frances B.

Traveling through swirling, white-out wind conditions and icy roads, the group converged on the outskirts of Edinboro for lunch. After eating, we were escorted to the campus through snowy paths that more closely resembled bobsled chutes. Our audience this time numbered twenty persons interested in getting the perspectives of transgendered people on sexual difference. The engagement was arranged to correspond with the school's Women's History Month.

Weather conditions notwithstanding, our troop arrived there and returned home safely. We were able to raise the awareness level of our audience with facts on gender, primarily through "show and tell". Each transgendered person has his or her own story of perseverance, but it is always beneficial for others to see that we are survivors. It was a session that many of our guests found to be different from the expected ideas of "what a transgendered person is". It was another feather in our cap; one that our TransFamily group wears proudly.

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