The wedding was VERY romantic, it being Valentines and all. The lovebirds were completely devoted to each other. Like you said earlier, not a credit cards width between them. I crossed dressed for the wedding in male drag, except for pantyhose and shoes, by wearing my tux, a plain white shirt, and black tie. Hair was worn down, as is my non-work custom and was introduced to all as Tat, which raised a few eyebrows. But I've gotten ahead of myself.

The tale started 3 weeks before the wedding when it became certain that Fran's cousin’s husband, the Good Reverend, would be unable to perform the ceremony at the church in N. Carolina. There was some family business that needed attention back in Texas and they had to be there by the 12th and were no t sure when they would be able to return.

So what to do, eh? Postpone? Not our intrepid couple.

Plans were formulated to meet with the Bishop of the Mormon Church here in Canton. But would there be a problem? The Mormon Bishop in Wadsworth had soundly admonished Frannie that she "Shalt NOT be a female" and must cease and desist post haste! But was the Canton Bishop wise to the proclamation or would things be OK?

The appointment was made. Dressed as natives in male and female garb according to local custom, the couple set out by car to consult with the Bishop. At the intersection of Dressler and Everhard (Cantons most busy intersection) the car promptly broke down. Police cruisers and tow trucks eventually appeared to rescue our couple, who quite naturally arrived at the church well past schedule. Would the Bishop still see them? Yes, and so phase one of the plan was complete.

Now, cars are quite expensive to repair and this one was no different, one alternator, one bill. Four hundred sixty five dollars exits the couple’s account.

But, the car is healthy. The Bishop has agreed to consider marrying them and has set up the second appointment. Everything is OK. Or is it? What is that strange dripping sound coming from the crawl space under the kitchen? It wouldn't be the pipes to the sink would it? Well sure, what would be more natural? So its off to the builders supply for more $$$ and two days of crawling around under the floorboards to make repairs, then off to work again on Monday.

And Fran is indeed working. She has landed a very nice contract repairing a little old house that has, you'll never guess what. Suffered water damage from burst overhead water lines? And the damage is severe enough that the job requires two so friend Carl from Cleveland is recruited to assist. Cleveland is much too far away for commuting so our couple accepts Carl into their home for the duration. Two weeks! And the job has to be done before Fran can get married and leave for honeymoon with the voluptuous Gail. So it’s 12 hours a day of very hard labor.

So, our couple is up to the challenge as love is a great motivator. But, with just one week to go Gail’s sister (her favorite) has a stroke. She thinks she has backed out of her driveway, run over the mailbox and settled into the ditch. In actuality, she has traveled 2 miles from home on the wrong side of the street and then finally run into the ditch. An off duty police officer witnessed the whole thing, trying in vain to stop her. She died in her sleep the Thursday morning before the wedding. Gail was devastated.

Yet, Fran was by her side and god knows Fran has seen her share of hardship. Who could god have sent that would be a better angel? He does work in mysterious ways. So the morning of the 14th Gail woke bright eyed and gazing at her Frannie said joyously "I'm getting married today!" And nothing could stop them now.

At 2:00, I had picked up the flowers from the florist. At 2:30 I was chauffeuring the merry couple to the church. Our good friend Barbara as matron of honor and Barbara’s brother along with his wife were following in the car behind. Nothing hindered our passage. The sun shown brightly. Love was hanging stickily in the air.

The service started just past 3:00. The wedding party being outnumbered by the attendant Mormons who were out in force. There being no less than two Bishops, Bishops’ wives, a pianist, a singer, a poem reciter, a scripture reader, and some others that just couldn't pass up a Valentines Day wedding for the sheer romance of it.

Then just a small amount of tears by yours truly as the couple said "I do." And what a kiss! Congratulations and cake with punch all around. And married they are, and married we hope they will always be.

The wedding party then spent the next few hours at a local Italian eatery where we each consumed a small portion of Champagne and a very large ration of food. There was good cheer and love throughout our very special group and we were all a bit sorry to see it end.

I returned the couple home at 7:30ish and helped carry in a few gifts. The bride declined the grooms offer to carry her across the threshold. Yes, where there is age; often there is wisdom. And I declined an invitation to stay and bask in the warm glow of their love (I'm no turnip either).

They were off to Michigan the next day to be with Gail’s family. The funeral was Monday. Tuesday was a scheduled flight to Florida to visit Gail's parents near Tampa. The couple will return home Friday.

Whew! What a story.

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• Mitch and Charlie’s Wedding Day
By Karen G.

Mitch and Charlie went down to the courthouse to see if it would be hard to get a marriage license, as they were actually planning a Labor Day ceremony for Mitch's birthday. They did have some trouble. The first person looked at them and said the state of Ohio couldn't issue a marriage license to two men. Mitch showed her his birth certificate, name change order, and drivers license. They were sent upstairs to see a Magistrate.

Everyone upstairs was waiting for them. Mitch laid the paperwork on the desk, and the Magistrate said he couldn't help them either and that they'd have to see a Judge. Then he put his foot in his mouth stating, "Well, we have to go by the original BC." They told him that was their point. When he actually looked at the BC, he said it was all legal, and he didn't know what their problem was. He sent a message down to the Marriage Bureau so they could issue a marriage license.

Realizing the problems might increase by Sept as more folks try this, they decided to get married right away and have a commitment ceremony in Sept. So they called me down to the courthouse if I could make it in 20 minutes. Of course it wasn't possible on such notice as the drive is 20 minutes and that doesn't include the parking and finding the right place. So they said they would try again Tues., Charlie's next day off. The weddings are performed only between 10 and 11:15 AM every day, no appointment is necessary.

So Jackie, Mary, Bob and I met up with Mitch and Charlie on the following Tuesday and we went up to the judges' chambers at 10:30. We had to wait over an hour for the judge to finish court, and while waiting, we did manage to have fun when asked who was the happy couple. When the Bailiff asked who was the bride, Charlie said, "There isn't one." When he asked who was the groom, they both raised their hands. He said, "I see," and buried his head in his newspaper. We even met an acquaintance of ours, a lawyer, who doesn't know about Mitch. When we did get into the judges’ chambers, the judge mentioned he had never done this before and he hesitated. I thought he was going to say that morally he wasn't ready to do this. Instead he said "I have a regular ceremony to read for weddings and I use the words bride and groom. So as not to offend anyone, what terms should I use?" Charlie suggested spouse and the judge gave a great big smile and we began. When he got to the end, he said, "I now pronounce you..." and he paused for what seemed like quite a while and then added, "married." He was very nice and said this was the first time he had ever done this type of ceremony. Afterwards, Mitch explained that his birth certificate said he is a female on it. We all shook hands and went on our way to have a great corned beef sandwich for lunch. We had lots of stares on the way out, and during the ceremony, the bailiff and another gal in the chambers kept whispering back and forth. We had a fun day

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• Kenyon College
By Jackie W.

On March 19th, Karen, Tim, Vanessa and I traveled to Kenyon College for a panel discussion and question and answer session with students, faculty, and others interested in transgender subject matter. We met Sarah, Cathy and a bearded friend of theirs from Columbus at the KFC restaurant in Mount Vernon, Ohio and then all traveled on to Gambier, Ohio after dinner. We arrived at the hall where we were to meet the discussion group as the sun was going down over this picturesque college town with its many small houses; each devoted to a particular class or topic. As we started the presentation, about twenty people listened as Sarah gave an in-depth discourse on the etiology of transgendered behavior and its origins in structures of the brain. Karen presented some perspectives based on her experiences with her son, Mitch, while Tim related some of his personal anecdotes about the Female-to-Male transition. Cathy and Vanessa also told of how they have dealt with the Male-to-Female journey, while I was able to add some notes and humor from the area between the sexes. One Kenyon student, Andrew, had a chance to join us after the break to tell of his transgendered life at college. He said that he just started getting skirts and dresses and gradually wearing them around campus more often and has had very few problems thus far. As a fascinating aside, when Andrew brought a load of laundry home to his mother soon after starting to dress in a more feminine way, she asked if he now had a girlfriend. He said no, that these were clothes that he was wearing now, and his mother thought about it for a few minutes and then said, "No problem." Now there's a supportive mother! The crowd was a bit smaller when we wound up the question and answer part of the evening at about 10:30, after which we spent a few minutes chatting with our hosts and the four of us headed back to Cleveland, while Sarah and Cathy returned to Columbus. To top off the evening, when we stopped for ice cream in Mount Vernon, the man behind the counter saw that we were a bit different, and asked us about our stories, which we related. He then said that his former roommate had gone through sex reassignment surgery several years ago, and that they were still friends, and that he was happy to see that other people were successful and wished us well. This was an interesting way to end a wonderful day.

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The Trans-Family Caravan continued its collegiate crusade by cruising into Ann Arbor, Michigan for the 4^th Annual GLSEN Regional Conference on March 27, 28 and 29. It was a gracious and hospitable welcome from the city, the University and the civic leaders of the community. Most surprising was the general atmosphere of this college town concerning the diversity of their guests. Ann Arbor and Michigan proved to be one of the most liberal-minded and conducive environments for encouraging and nurturing sexual differences among its population Although the proceedings were billed as a conference with workshops it turned out to be a reunion for all GLSEN members in attendance that weekend.
 
Our team included Karen and I as well as some of our supportive members from the Cleveland area and Jan F. from Pennsylvania. Judy Mo., from the Cleveland chapter of GLSEN and Judy Ma., from the Cleveland Gay and Lesbian Center were with us. Also joining us were GLSEN members Cathy, Todd and Susan. We spent the weekend participating in increasing our awareness of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered issues and concentrating our efforts into developing acceptance of sexual diversity in all people.
 
Following our registration and opening welcome by GLSEN leadership, Bonnie Tinker, a prominent gay-orientated personality, gave the keynote address. Afterwards we left the spacious ballroom of the Michigan League Building to walk en-mass across the beautifully spacious U of M campus to the Modern Languages Building. The film Out of the Past was a touching true story of one student’s effort to form a Gay Student support group in her Salt Lake City high school as one of many after-school clubs. It chronicled the resistance of the school system as well as the resistance of a determined lesbian teenager standing up for her civil rights. It revealed the virtue of just causes, the damages of prejudices, the ignorance of society and the resolve of conscientious advocates.

Saturday morning was a divide-and-gather game plan. After listening to Kevin Jennings, the Executive Director of GLSEN talk about the organization’s intent, we heard from Congresswoman Lynn Rivers, U.S. Representative of Michigan. Her plea was to focus and to be recognized in order to help all of America’s children. Karen and I each attended separate workshops with very different agendas. I learned of a Michigan plan to curtail violent acts against GLBT youths in the school setting through a program from GLSEN’s Detroit Chapter called Bruised Bodies, Bruised Spirits. Karen learned about "Impacting Your Community’s School Boards", which focused on launching successful campaigns to elect fair-minded individuals onto school boards. We then joined up again to listen to Jan F.’s presentation on TG children.

Jan described in elaborate detail the possible causes of transgenderedness and the personal identification dilemma every transgendered person deals with in self-confrontation. With creditable facts and statistics on hand she explained the gender dysphoric conditions that professionals in the gender field hold to be true. Jan further explained the complications transgendered individuals face while growing up and in their daily lives. She was able to delve into the recesses of a transgendered person’s mind by revealing her own accounts of adjustments to a non-knowing world. With eloquence and pride she told of her own life experiences and the resolution she has found in her life through accepting herself as a transsexual.

The subject matter for Trans-Family’s workshop was "The Identification of Transgendered Children in the Classroom Setting." The session was an intensive and intrinsic look into a 3-D puzzle. In helping our audience to readily spot transgendered youths we shared with them three major clues. The first was that transgendered children reveal themselves to others rather than being conspicuous. Secondly, that these children are chameleon-like people highly intelligent and creatively talented enough to camouflage themselves rather than being detected by peers. Finally was the surest way to unveil these secretive youngsters is to use a net of professional expectation that all teachers should have as educators: Children are first and foremost children at all times.

We ended our afternoon with a session of creative role playing and associative feelings in one workshop. In the evening we attended a student panel program. Three adolescents told of their decisions of "coming out" to themselves and significant others in their lives. They told of feelings of relief, disbelief and grief that they experienced in the process. Ever mindful in their stories was the desire to change acceptance values of GLBT youths so that they might have a fair chance at growing up.

After selective chapters of GLSEN rewarded outstanding contributors of their organizations the mood of the meeting turned to humor. Our one-lady comic relief was provided by Karen Vadino and served as inspiration in addition to physical stimulation. We rediscovered the power of laughter in getting our message across to others. There is a definite need to enjoy the seriousness of our tasks and lives in a fun way rather than allowing them to bury us in monotony and gloom. 

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• Transphobia - Fear of the Unknown
Presented by Jackie W., Tim F. and Joanne B.
at the Queer U. conference held at Cleveland State University

Transphobia, like homophobia, xenophobia, or any of the other plethora of phobias in the psychiatrist's manual, is about fear: fear of what cannot be easily understood, fear of what cannot be predicted, fear of the unknown. And, as with many cases, the key to overcoming fear may be found in making an effort to understand its basis and get past the initial prejudices that prevent one from getting close to the object of that trepidation. Several of you may have been the objects of homophobia. Misinformed or otherwise prejudiced people have made judgments or reacted to you based on their idea, real or imagined, that you were homosexual. Their reactions may have been anything from a rude comment, or perhaps avoiding you, or possibly physical violence. In any case, the resultant scars, be they emotional, economical, social, physical or otherwise, are similar for all victims of prejudice. What we intend to share today is a bit of our backgrounds so that you can better understand us, and see the similarities we have with you as fellow travelers on an alternate path from the mainstream of society.

In order to explain transphobia, we must first ask, what does trans mean? The term trans refers to the crossing of boundaries, as a transvestite who crosses the clothing barrier, the transsexual who crosses into another sex and the transgender who crosses the gender line. The basic 'Transgender 101' lecture says that there are four areas of sex, gender and sexuality that are present in various combinations in all people. Physical sex can be male or female, and refers to what's between one's legs. Gender identity is the man or woman we suppose ourselves to be, and lies between one's ears. Societal sex roles are displayed by the ways in which we interact with other people. Sexual preference is who we love. Each of these four areas can be thought of as a continuum, perhaps with 'female' or 'woman' at one end, and 'male' or 'man' at the other. Being that each of us can position ourselves on these four scales at various places, and that these positions may change from moment to moment, an almost infinite rainbow of diversity is created.

If you look at these scales, the bulk of society is crowded at the ends. Most people are either male or female, man or woman, and choose to partner with people at the opposite end of the physical sex scale. There is often a large gap between the ends of these scales, sometimes sparsely populated, as by the intersexed on the physical scale, or more densely packed, as with bisexuals on the sexual preference continuum. Homophobia results when one person moves to the opposite end of the sexual preference grid, and another inflicts a stigma on that person for that perceived transgression. When lines of societal sex roles, gender identity or physical sex are crossed, either visibly or in another's mind, the negative result is transphobia.

Transphobic and homophobic reactions are often similar to reactions to foreigners and people of different class, religion, or color in years past. The 'stranger' mentality prevails, and xenophobic ideas the unenlightened pass to one another suggest that the outsider be shunned, denied position or privilege, or otherwise marginalized for the sake of polite society. What this reaction really masks, however, is the laziness or unwillingness of the prejudiced person to really learn about the despised class' members. It is much easier to say that a group is sick or immoral or worse than to take the time necessary to educate one's self about the origins, culture, beliefs, and needs of the individuals who comprise that group.

Transpeople face many difficulties in everyday living that are common to other groups. Like people of color, transpeople are visibly different from the majority. While only a few boorish individuals would dare taunt another based on their color today, many more feel no qualm about questioning the sexual identity of a transperson in a very loud and uncomfortable manner. Like those who observe a minority faith, trans may be perceived as another way of thinking. But few religious beliefs are called on for justification as frequently as transpeople are expected to explain their behaviors. Like those with a physical disability, transpeople may be looked upon as having been born with this condition. However, the number of church elders who would turn away a parishioner with a missing limb is certainly much smaller than those who would shun a person who exhibited transgenderism visibly.

Some difficulties unique to the trans condition exist because of the tenacious belief by a majority of people in the bipolar sex and gender myth. That is, most people believe that there are only two sexes and two genders (most don't make a distinction; to them male equals man, female equals woman), and that a person of one sex should be attracted to one of the 'opposite' sex. This leaves no room in their minds for those who may be physically one sex, but socially interacting in a gender role not usually associated with that sex, or one who has undergone genital surgery to more closely conform to the physicality of their sexual identity, or even those who may possess physical characteristics of both sexes. The resultant rules and regulations created by belief in the bipolar sex and gender myth are the cause of many headaches for transpeople, including the separation of men and women in bathrooms and locker rooms, prisons, and the military, the designation of sex on driver's licenses, Social Security, and passports, the different clothing choices for men and women, the laws relating to marriage, adoption, and families, and any situation you can think of where men and women are treated differently.

The solutions to transphobia are not simple, but are the same as with any other phobia. Awareness, education, action, and time are the weapons that will win the battle against ignorance and prejudice. By awareness, it is made known that transpeople exist, and have a right to choose where they wish to be on the sex and gender continuum, and may change those parameters as the needs of the transperson evolve. Education is reaching out to others, not to complain, but to further inform them of the subtleties of sex, gender and sexuality that they may be better enabled to understand the transperson's ways of being. Where action is needed, it should be taken, as to organize with other transpeople and allies to change the law that makes changing one's sex on a birth certificate impossible in the state of Ohio. And time is necessary, simply to give people a period in which to assimilate the education and to acclimate themselves to the basic changes in their ways of thinking that are necessary in order for homosexuals, transpeople, and any other people who differ from the mainstream to be embraced and flourish in everyday society.

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