• PFLAG and the Transgender Community
By LeeAnne Marie M.
(edited by Karen G.)

I guess the best way to start a series of articles for our newsletter is by way of introduction. My name is LeeAnne Mackowski. My job within the PFLAG chapters I serve is that of Tcord or Transgender Coordinator. A group called T-SONS (Transgender Special Outreach Network, under the PFLAG umbrella, is an active SON of the National PFLAG. The description, which came with this job, was quite lengthy but can be summed up in one word. That word is "education".

Many of you may be unaware of the efforts of our Transgender Community to educate PFLAG and have them include the Transgender Community into the ranks of PFLAG. This column is being written in part to accomplish the task of educating local PFLAG chapters about the Transgender Community and educating the Transgender Community about PFLAG. I would like to hear your questions and comments regarding this matter. At the end of each article I will list my e-mail address so that you may respond.

I think it best to start by defining who might belong to the Transgender Community. From speaking with several of you at the meetings I have discovered a general misunderstanding. Quite frequently, words, phrases and definitions involved with our community have been misunderstood. It is very understandable; sometimes we don't even know to whom or what we are referring.

The word transgender in itself is a bit misleading. But, none-the-less, the general community describes anyone who has an issue with his or her gender under the umbrella term "Transgendered". It has become the general term for anyone who may be a Drag Queen (DQ), Gender Bender (GB), Cross-Dresser (CD), Transvestite (TV), and Transsexual (Ts). Some people seem to think transgender and transsexual can be used interchangeably.

So, just what and who are DQ's, GB's, CD's, TV's, and TS's. Hopefully, without too much confusion, I can describe these terms for you, as I understand them. To begin with, I'm sure most of you have seen or heard of the Drag Queen. A DQ is usually a male, may be gay, who dresses as a woman for the purpose of entertainment, imitation or mockery, sometimes imitating a celebrity.. This type of person is the most widely know of the group and CD's, TV's and TS's are often associated with this type of image. DQ's have no desire to dress or to maintain a life as the opposite gender. Their main reason for donning the attire of the opposite gender is for their performances and entertainment.

On the other hand a GB or Gender Bender, as I call them, are people who are trying to make a statement of some kind and dress in a mixture of clothing comprising of male and female attire. Their appearance is often extreme and quite noticeable.

CDs or Cross Dressers are persons who dress in the attire of their opposite gender as a matter of sexual gratification or pleasure, or as a way of expressing their heart-felt inner gender. CD's have no desire to live in the roll of the opposite gender but do wish to imitate the opposite gender. i.e. a man wearing woman's clothes for an evening out or a woman wearing a man's suit. Their gender orientation matches their sexual identity and they are perfectly comfortable living their daily lives as their birth sex. CD's are often very protective of their cross dressing desire and in most cases are quite closeted. They may be gay or straight, but are not as out or open as the Drag Queen. A DQ wants to be out and open. The CD wants to remain more subtle. It is done for sexual pleasure, or comfort of wearing clothing of the opposite gender.

A TV or Transvestite, on the other hand, is quite out with respect to living their daily lives in the role of the opposite gender. TV's are also perfectly comfortable with their match of gender and sexual identity but protect this identity to project a false impression. Their main desire for this form of appearance, so I am told, is for emotional reasons and/or sexual gratification or pleasure. Transvestite has come to be an outdated term for Cross Dresser.

Now, my friends, this is where life becomes a little bit fuzzy and quite confusing. This is the subject that I know the most about. The word that is used to describe the portion of our community where I belong is Transsexual, again, a very misleading word. The word in itself refers to the physical change of a person's biological secondary sex organs. This term and definition is actually only partially true.

As I mentioned earlier, the word transsexual more accurately describes a person in this Transgender Community who undergoes or desires to undergo the physical changes to have his secondary sexual characteristics to more closely match the gender they feel in their brain. A transsexual person is someone who has had an internal struggle with their gender identity most or all of their life. i.e. the phrase "a man born in a woman's body" or "a woman born in a man's body". Transsexual persons, in most cases, seek to change their entire being to match the gender they identify with. A common misconception concerning transsexual persons is that they change their bodies by choice. This thinking is very far from the actual truth. In reality, nature itself drives the transsexual person to correct the birth defect.

Within the group thought of as Transsexual lay the terms MtF (Male to Female), FtM (Female to Male), pre-op, post-op and non-op. All these terms are use by the Transsexual community to describe their current state of transition. So, if I were to say that I was MtF pre-op transsexual, I would be saying that I was a male-bodied person who is currently transitioning to the female form, to more closely match my brain identity, and I have not yet had my reassignment surgery. The same would be true for a FtM. The term post-op refers to a person who has had their surgery. Also, there are non-op transsexual who, because of medical or personal reasons, can not go on hormones or have surgery. It is inappropriate for someone to ask a transsexual what his or her operation status is. This is a highly personal matter and most transsexuals will provide the information if they feel comfortable.

I hope this has helped some of you to understand the terms used within the Transgender community. In the next several articles I plan to spend some time talking about the Transsexual. This group of people is the most confusing to understand because of what happens in their life's journey.

I welcome your questions and comments. Please e-mail them to: leeann@velocity.net

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• Editorial
by Vanessa W.

I came across a most interesting concept recently that I felt the need to share with you. There is a fascination with self-discovery that prompts all transgender individuals to migrate to bookstores, subscribe to satellite television and "internet" our free time away. We have rekindled our thirst for knowledge, provided of course that the subject matter is ourselves. This is a rebirth in learning that eclipses the Kindergarten experience and we hope will make experts of us all.

We are on a group quest for recognition, acceptance and inclusion. Our goals are to change the minds and hearts of our greatest supporters, the gay and lesbian community. The message we deliver time and time again is that the term "transgender" is too often forgotten or disregarded as we struggle to gain public recognition for GLBT issues. As a collective group, we have been coerced into affiliating with non-transgender accomplices promising to lead us into equality. The reality is that we are already equals and that our partners need us far more than we require them.

In actuality we need to move beyond them accepting us and invite them to join us as we merge into a collective that appreciates and nurtures diversity. As radical a concept as that sounds now, I’ve had the opportunity to do my homework and have begun to believe that all persons are in some way and to some extent transgendered. We all listen too much to the voices that are not our own. All of us are trapped in too much self-hate, the hate that is reflected back at us by others who are unwilling to look at the complexities of our lives. There aren’t really any new changes in sexual diversity, just new faces.

The problem of the transgendered is that we are trapped in a society that alternates between ignoring and hating, or tolerating and exploiting us and our experiences. Our status and legitimacy as people are equally at risk. As we fight for our political survival, as well as our personal lives, we need to confront the challenges we face daily until the genders of others watching is seen as equally as queer as ours. When they can see they can no longer judge. Just because our visual differences can be seen in before-and-after photographs doesn’t mean that they are any more imposing than the hidden differences of others

Gender is a regime that has been imposed upon all of us by cultures. There have always been transgendered people. There have also been systems of gender oppression. The regime of gender is an intentional oppression. Having a trans-identity is not a natural fact, but is rather a political category we are forced to occupy when we decide to do certain things with ourselves. We are the isolated and desperate outcasts in the system. Thus, our feelings are not causes but effects.

The gay liberation front has focused on mainstream acceptance which will gain for acceptable gays full civil rights. It bypasses the issues of the queerer queers who might overturn the civil rights apple cart by disturbing the straight power structure. The feminist movement has fundamentally been unable to grapple effectively with homosexuality and has no response to trans-issues. We are in need of a new political movement that takes in the complexities of lived experiences as a starting point. It should be one that encourages us to build on our many layers of experience and makes connections rather than severing them.

We, as a group, need to shed our baggage that makes us seem destitute and needy to society. We tell the world that we are the victims of our pasts instead of proclaiming ourselves to be the architects of the future. Rather than seeing our trans-experiences as a curse that has robbed us of our bodies, our childhood, our friendships, our intimacies and our sexuality we should look upon it as a responsibility to lead others to respond to themselves. No longer should we see ourselves as the "patients" of doctors, the "case studies" of theorists or the "natives" of sociologists. We are distinctly unique in the fact that we are the first to identify gender as a fluid continuum and define ourselves as empowered emissaries of gender truths.

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• PFLAG Mid-Atlantic Council
by Bob G.

Karen and I took a weekend trip to Washington, DC a few weeks ago. We attended the PFLAG Mid-Atlantic Council meeting and spoke briefly about TG/TS issues along with Mary Boenke, Bogi’s mom, and Ellie Binder. While at the meeting, we spoke with Ron from the National PFLAG office, and turned in an application to form a new PFLAG chapter. No word on approval yet.

Mary’s husband, John and Bogi’s (Oberlin College) parents, Roger and Karen ,joined us after the meeting. We all had dinner and a great evening in a fabulous, yet inexpensive, Japanese restaurant. Sushi! Yum!

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• PFLAG Ohio Council
by Bob G.

Karen, Vanessa, and I drove to Columbus on May 16th. We attended the PFLAG Ohio Council meeting. Representatives from Cincinnati, Dayton, and Columbus were present.

We were met there by Joanne and Jackie from the north, Cathy, Mary Ann, and Sarah from the Columbus area. We outnumbered the other PFLAGers. This was not good.

We were told to speak about safe schools and about teen suicide issues in our community. Since most of the group had heard the Transgender 101 program, we started by telling the group that the issues were similar to those of GLB children. We had barely started the discussion when State Rep Jack Ford joined us. Jack Ford seems to be a GLBT friendly lawmaker. He began to discuss House Bill 700.

HB 700 is a bill that would provide $40,000 to fund a commission that would hold hearings to collect data concerning the problems of at-risk teens. The areas of investigation would include, at least, problems of gay and lesbian youth, alcoholic and drug-addicted teens, and serial suicides in high schools. It would then take the information it gathered and presumably, use it to make recommendations to the governor, state agencies, and so on.

One of the T’s spoke out and asked why T’s were again being excluded from the list. The answer was that the bill would have a difficult enough time passing with the term gay and lesbian in it, let alone "transgender." The opposition said that what often happens is that when these laws are interpreted, in the absence of inclusion there is exclusion. There followed some heated debate.

Most unhappy was one of the organizers of the meeting. After the meeting, he vented his anger by e-mail. In the e-mail, he equated MtF’s with guys who dress up in women’s clothes, proving again that gay men just don’t "get it."

My feeling is that many in the gay community do not understand that there is a difference between crossdressers and transsexuals. This shouldn’t justify the mistreatment of either group, but the fact is that many TS people are gay (or were) and that many of them start on their journey believing that they are crossdressers.

Well, there are at least two ways to educate the ignorant. One is by "in your face" behavior; another is one-on-one or group-to-group discussion, again and again and again. I am not going to pick one way over the other. There are appropriate places for both.

It was pointed out that by testifying at a commission meeting, we would be able to get our issues across. By testifying before the House or Senate in Columbus for T inclusion, we would probably succeed in getting the main bill killed. So there it is.

Found in a Fortune Cookie: Order your take out now; in a few hours you’ll be hungry again.

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• House Bill 700
by Vanessa W.

With our intent to supply missing information to the PFLAGs of Ohio, a contingent from TransFamily traveled from various points throughout the state to attend their state meeting. Our invitation read, "be prepared to present the transgendered perspective concerning teenage suicides" and we converged equipped to educate the state chapters that requested clarification on transgender issues. It was billed to be an inclusion of transgendered concerns in relationship to premature death of all young people. It, instead, became an intrusion into the frail insecurities of PFLAG and the hypnotic powers of Ohio’s political machine.

The eight member team of TG experts were assigned the task of swaying the predominantly gay and lesbian affiliated representatives into seeing the similarities between homosexual and transgender children. Considering the advanced knowledge of our audience, we dispensed with the usual "Transgender 101" basics. This was a group that had already heard of the four components of human sexuality, some more than once. We directed our energies into revealing the fine line that differentiates our two sexual bodies, one from the other.

Expounding upon the doctrine of the SSAFE program started last year, we painted a picture of how all sexually enlightened support groups must interact to see that our questioning youth don’t fall into the cracks of society to disappear. By approaching all children as "at risk", we increase the likelihood that we can provide a safety net to keep them alive. We pointed out that to exclude the term "transgender" from House bill 700 would be sacrificing too much at the expense of young lives.

It was not a matter of inclusion for group notoriety but the common sense that, "if it isn’t written in black and white for politicians to see then it would never become a reality." We presented in factual, if not graphic, terms the dangers that failing to have explicit terminology could present. They were informed that transgender youth don’t always see themselves as belonging to any social group, including gays and lesbians. Their isolation is just as extreme and just as likely to lead them to attempt suicide.

Representative Jack Ford was briefly present to reveal the political reasoning for initiating House Bill 700. It seems that Rep. Ford’s time was pressing and his working knowledge of transgender issues was scant. He did manage to tell how the gay and lesbian wording in the proposed bill was being disguised and to reveal the mechanisms of bill passage in Ohio. The key was money and the more money accumulated meant that power could be bought.

Just as fascinating was the knowledge he had about financial contributions to this cause. He said himself that the main reason for attending the meeting was to encourage PFLAG membership to contribute their money to his campaigns. If there wasn’t enough money, then House Bill 700 would certainly die. Not only that but should this bill fail then impending legislation sitting on his desk could not move forward. This was legislation designed to include the gay communities. One could only wonder if he could pay as much attention to the deaths of transgender children as he did to the death of a non-inclusive bill wouldn’t the legislation already be the law in Ohio?

Included in this plea for financial assistance was the truth that he saw the word "transgender" as being unacceptable to his bill. By using smooth and polished phrases he cleverly portrayed his political counterparts to be conservative at best and bigoted at the worst. He was reluctant to include "transgender" into House Bill 700 at this stage and even went so far as to say that this word would end all the good intentions and consequences for good.

Our lunchtime with PFLAG members was an on-going discussion of the necessity for inclusion and the opportunity for education of our state lawmakers. The consensus of opinion was that if there was a way to include transgender terms in the bill and insure that there would be no omission from its passage, it would be tried. We were then acknowledged for our time and efforts.

Three days later the unkindest cut was revealed to us. In an e-mail message, we were told "this stuff needed to be said" by our PFLAG hosts. The message made reference to "showing up in drag for committee hearings" as being disruptive to the cause. We were seen as "the person who looks physically male, feels the need to dress up in women’s clothes and then enter a public forum and be taken seriously." They spoke of a cross-dressing straight male they "once" had in their PFLAG meetings and how nervous they were. They further addressed themselves as people who are well educated on this complex topic. One final statement the sender said that "the main reason while I laugh at a man in outrageous drag in public" is because his "reputation will precipitously decline if I do not consistently produce a reasonably masculine image of a male."

Well, I for one can appreciate their honesty but I refuse to accept their ignorance and bigotry. The transsexuals that were before their eyes were the most consistent and truthful image of who they really are. Hiding in the shadows and pointing a finger of doubt upon other people who are constantly out in public will make you seen. I now see you for the person that you are and I hope that I will never need to see you again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me! No more!

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• TKO (Transgendered Kudos Offered)

The successful transitioning for transgendered individuals is an arduous and prolonged one. It is not the exclusive right of the proclaimed transsexuals but the prerogative of any transgendered person. There are so many stages involved that it will make the regarded "numbered" recovery programs look like a fraction. The one dozen steps can be considered as being a drop in the bucket when compared to the waves of sexual transitioning.

To those of you who have questioned the most fundamental of human concepts (sexual identity) should be extolled for your deep personal insights. You are far too frequently condemned for rebelling against the status quo, despite not knowing why the status quo still exists. This column is for those of you who have dared to show your difference and have taken it upon yourself to care about the welfare of the special people around you and shared your differences with the world.

Your transitioning process has been considered an art, a sport and a religion for many of you. It has required a focusing of your senses, positive energies, a timeless schedule and firm convictions. It is an agenda that demands you be prepared to lose everything to possibly gain a moral victory. It is repeated sufferings felt at the hands of strangers and repeatedly seen through the faces of loved ones. Remember that loving involves taking chances, living involves taking risks and suffering has long been the constant companion of aspiring artists, ambitious athletes and decisive dissenters.

To start developing you had to first identify yourself to your toughest critic - yourself. Too often, the "coming out" process is difficult because we fail to want to see ourselves "as we are" instead of "who we want to be" in life. You probably have had to explore the inner recesses of your mind to relive the excruciatingly painful and embarrassing moments of your life. The past is usually unkind and unforgiving of human errors. Still you have persevered and steadily move forward in your undaunted efforts. You are the survivors of many betrayals, be they biological, psychological or sociological in nature.

You have become a survivor rather than remaining a victim because of one characteristic. You have decided to fight back. Not with angry words or violent behaviors, but with a recognizable spirit found in heroes. You have chosen to educate yourself and in the process teach others of your diversity. You have retaliated by letting yourself be seen and studied.

There truly are no cowards among the transgendered populous. Quiet resolution and calm dignity should not be mistaken for fear. The fallen activists in this cause have been felled by mistaken courage. Too many of our societies perceived heroes have been martyrs and almost all martyrs are deceased. You daily teach diversity through life.

Some groups will play individual games of hide-and-seek with the public as a means by which to stay alive. They maintain their existence but live in fear of eventual discovery. They stay in a fixed point of development and fail to evolve. It can prove to be a dangerous decision because as we all know detection will precedes elimination. If transgendered lives were to be a board game, I suppose society would want it to be Snakes and Ladders. It would be a game of luck rather than one of keen strategy. Despite the moments of great accomplishment there would also be episodes of unfortunate failure. The roll of the dice would determine individual fate and the dice belong to the game.

What you have decided to do is to play another board game of your choosing. The game, Sorry, extends beyond dumb luck and introduces the element of tactical planning into winning. You have decided which gamepieces to move and how they should be advanced. The sliding paths can be calculated to eliminate aggressors and advance progress. With the dice no longer in effect the card deck is chancy but without strategy.

Besides self-identification and self-acceptance, there are far more steep steps to navigate. There remain the questions concerning family ties, existing friendships, job security, financial loss and future partnerships. The losses may already have been marriage dissolution, family non-status, forgotten friends, unemployment, bankruptcy and loneliness. With each step the transgendered person actually becomes stronger and more complete than once before.

It is not by chance or coincidence that you are transgendered. It should not be destined that you have something to be ashamed of in your life. You do stand as a living testimonial for other transgendered persons. Simply by being who you are, you have proven yourself to be a valuable part of the human race. You provide inspiration and motivation, if you take the take to acknowledge it. The transgendered members of TransFamily deserve kudos for their efforts and struggles that will someday (if not already) pay off.

TransFamily Newsletter is actively seeking articles from any significant others in support of transgendered members. We would very much like to hear your perspectives on transgendered relationships and concerns. If you can contribute please let us know. Or if you would like to have any of your concerns addressed in future issues give us a clue. Just like Jeopardy - We're looking for a few good questions.

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• Accepted Definitions vs. Menacing Definitions

• Gender Dysphoria
  (AD) A discomfort with one's gender.
  (MD) A term used by nontranssexual shrinks who write surgical letters.

• Just A Cross-dresser
  (AD) A phrase used to distinguish transvestites from transsexuals.
  (MD) A phrase employed by transsexuals to indicate that if you and your body are somehow "more serious" than someone who just puts on a dress.

• Real Life Test
  (AD) A one year experience living as the opposite sex in order to qualify for Sexual Reassignment Surgery.
  (MD) This is what doctors call it when you find out if nontranssexual bigots are going to kill you when you try to live in your preferred gender role.

• Standards of Care
  (AD) The accepted and practiced conditions prescribed for a transgendered person to receive proper treatment from medical professionals.
  (MD) Something invented by professionals to protect widdle transpeople from hurting our widdle selves with sharp things. See, PLAYING GOD

• Trapped In The Wrong Body
  (AD) A phrase commonly used to express the discomfort of being transsexual.
  (MD) A phrase used mainly by transsexuals in soap operas in trying to convince surgeons hey should sharpen up the old scalpel.

• Transphobia
  (AD) A fear and hatred of changing sexual characteristics.
  (MD) Discrimination based on the shape of one's skin.

• Transitioning
  (AD) The process of moving from one socially recognized gender to the other.
  (MD) The throwing off of decades of gender oppression, dating from infancy, for this culture.

• Women-Born-Women Only or Men-Born-Men Only
  (AD) The concept that women and men can only be born into their gender.
  (MD) The concept that explains gender just like track stars, tormented Irish poets and the gifted

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