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. The first session of the TRANSForm series was a great success.
Color
By Tat I wonder if mother nature Looks to her paint and brushes Like I do With a certain amount of trepidation She never seems to procrastinate The morning sky seems so blue But then there is winter And sometimes the world gets awfully gray Does she marvel At the outcome as I do What a transformation Now, where is my brush
Book Donors To everyone who has donated books to the TransFamily Library, thank you. Also, please contact Karen so she can put your name in those books.
Join Us! Don’t forget! The meeting will be on Thursday, October 1st! We hope to have a cookout again this month. Dress for the weather. If it rains, we will go back to the casserole & side dish format. Items to bring:
We will start cooking at 6:15.
Got an Idea?
Submit any ideas or articles for the next newsletter to Karen, Vanessa or
Gerry at the next meeting, by calling
Balance
In a university commencement address several years ago, Brian Dyson, CEO of Coca-Cola Enterprises, spoke of the relation of work to one's other commitments: "Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them - work, family, health, friends and spirit - and you're keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls - family, health, friends, and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life. How? Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special. Don't set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you. Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as they were your life, for without them, life is meaningless. Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life. Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us to each together. Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave. Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find time. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings. Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you are going. Don't forget, a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated. Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily. Don't use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way. Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, and Today isa gift: that's why we call it The Present.
Pictures
Community Calendar
Courtesy of the Lesbian/Gay Community Service
October
October 3rd Women's Coffeehouse Series at Pilgrim Church 2592 W. 14th St. 7pm. An early Halloween Dance. Costumes welcome and bring your favorite tunes. Women only/ alcohol free
October 6th "Transform: Transgender Community Forum Series" continues with a look at Transgender lives. Discussion will include "what does it mean to be transgender", "what are the lives of transgendered people like?" 6:50pm-9pm at Archwood Church 2800 Archwood Ave. 216-522-1999.
October 9th "It's Elementary: Classroom Strategies and Support Systems for Sexual Minority Youth" An NEOEA Day Workshop for anyone who believes that our schools should be safe for all students. At The American Red Cross 3747 Euclid Ave. $10 to register call Judy Montgomery at 440-585-3293.
October 9th-11th "Out in Akron" Pride Weekend, second annual Akron pride weekend. Contact Chris Hixson 330-657-2977.
October 9th-11th Saints and Sinners Circuit Party, benefits The Center for more info call 216-522-1999.
October 17th Insight's annual Masquerade Ball 216-556-0576.
October 20th "Transform: Transgender Community Forum Series" ends with "Making the Connection". "How can our community be strengthened by including the t in glb?" 6:50-9pm at Archwood Church 2800 Archwood Ave. 216-522-1999.
October 24th Cleveland Couples Together annual hayride 216-556-5731 October 25th The Center's Annual Meeting at Lakewood Women's Pavilion in Lakewood park. 3:30pm. Featuring nationally renowned activist and Human Rights Campaign Field Director, Donna Red Wing and the Rainbow Community Awards for outstanding achievements by community groups, organizations and individuals. Free and open to the public. A special reception with Donna Red Wing will follow the meeting.
Oct 25. Lakewood Park. TransFamily will receive a Rainbow award for the work it is doing in the community (SSAFE Schools and Speakers' Bureau work.) Karen and Bob will be there to accept the award.
October 29th "Company" by Steven Sondheim will be performed at The Cleveland Playhouse E. 85th St. and Euclid 8pm. $25 and includes a special reception with the cast following the performance. Call The Center to order tickets.
PFLAG National Board Meeting
The PFLAG national board meeting and the first national transgender coordinators meeting was held on September 11-13 in San Francisco. The PFLAG voted affirmatively for transgender inclusion.
National Coming Out Day
Cleveland State Celebrates National coming out week. National Coming Out Day is Sunday, October 11, 1998 Cleveland State is spending a week helping others get ready for the National Coming Out Day. Staff and outside speakers will be on the program which will run from 12:00 PM - 1:45 each day during the week of October 5th - 9th. GLSEN (Gay Lesbian Straight Educators Network) and GALA (Gay and Lesbian Alliance) will each have a display table. Bruce Menapace will be speaking on "Coming Out Issues" and Raymond Duke will moderate a panel after showing the movie "All God's Children" Our TransFamily has also been asked to provide programs on Monday, October 5th and Wednesday, October 7th. Anyone interested please call Karen at (216) 691-4357 or Vanessa at (216) 574-8087.
Sheila Kirk, MD To Attend December Meeting
As a board certified gynecologic surgeon, Sheila Kirk, MD is in a unique position to help her community improve their overall medical & surgical well being. As founder and one of the principal surgeons of TSMC, the first full-service trans surgical & medicine center which is located in Pittsburgh. Dr. Kirk performs GRS and related trans surgeries as well as administers trans medical care and hormonal therapy. Dr. Kirk is the first Trans surgeon to be elected to the Board of the HBIGDA. In that capacity, she has co-established a committee of Advocacy and Liaison to encourage better communication and understanding of the healthcare needs of our community and professionals who administer their care. Sought after worldwide as a leading authority on Trans surgery and medicine, Dr. Kirk lectures extensively at universities, medical conferences and symposiums. A noted author, Dr. Kirk has written numerous books, articles and research findings on transgender care and management. Dr. Kirk will be our guest on Thursday, December 3rd. Plan to attend and bring lots of questions!
TransFamily Speakers Bureau
TransFamily will soon be publicizing its existing Speakers' Bureau in the Resource Directory section of the Gay People's chronicle. It will be listed under the title of Transgender Speakers' Bureau (TGSB). The purpose of the separate listing is to further expand the awareness of transgender issues to interested groups without interference to other TransFamily operations. As a result of the division there will be an additional meeting scheduled each month to focus in on past, present and future speaking engagements. The site and monthly date of those meetings will be announced later. We will be contacting those persons who have already made presentations or have expressed an interest in being a presenter. We also invite any members of TransFamily or the transgender community to join with us on our newly expanded venture. To contact TGSB please contact either Karen or Bob (216-691-4357) or Vanessa (216-574-8087).
Business Referrals Being Sought
TransFamily is currently compiling a collection of gender-friendly services and resources for our membership. This book of will include medical, legal, and psychological resources that have been endorsed by our members, families, and friends. In addition, we want to post other businesses and resources we have dealt with on day-to-day matters, such as stores, restaurants, garages, etc. The book will serve as the first practical guide for gay, lesbian, bisexual and `transgender individuals seeking community assistance. It is further envisioned that these businesses will advertise in our newsletter and/or possibly provide us with group support in the communities, in which we live and work. Before any individual or business can be li sted a consent form must be obtained and recorded in our files. The forms will be made available at our October TransFamily Meeting.
New Ohio PFLAG Welcomes All
The first meeting of our newly formed Hillcrest/Cleveland PFLAG sponsored by Karen and Bob Gross was held on September 21st. Twelve people attended. This group serves Lake, Geauga and the eastern portion of Cuyahoga counties. The next meeting will take place on Monday, October 19, 1998 at 7:00 p.m. at the Noble Road Presbyterian Church, 2780 Noble Road, Cleveland Heights, Ohio. It is north of Mayfield Road, next to the Public Library. Parking is in a lot across Noble Road or on the side street (which is limited). Location signs in the church will direct you to the meeting room. All G/L/B/T folks, family members, allies, significant others, and supporters are welcome. TransFamily members are also encouraged to attend. The meetings will be held the third Monday of each month at the church. Refreshments will be served!! Everyone and anyone is welcome to attend. If your are interested in attending an organizational meeting, please contact Karen.
PFLAG Mission PFLAG promotes the health and well-being of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered persons, their families and friends through:
PFLAG provides opportunity for dialogue about sexual orientation and acts to create a society that is healthy and respectful of human diversity.
Run for the Border
By Shirley G.
Frank and I had been seeing each other since late in July and had quickly grown attached to each other. I was truly pleased when he suggested we head for Canada for the Labor Day holiday. We had been to quite a few main stream places before this, without incident, so I was very excited when he suggested this. I was a touch concerned about crossing the border because I had heard that another girl had done the same and had been hassled severely by the border guard. So to prepare for this I had my therapist prepare a letter simply stating the facts. Most beauracrats can’t stand up to documented evidence so I felt that this would be enough to fend off any scrutiny by the gendarmes. We left on Friday afternoon in Frank’s car and headed north with me driving so Frank could get some sleep. We were doing fine till we ran into some predictable holiday traffic. We finally cleared that and made it into PA not too far behind schedule. We needed to stop for gas and munchies. While Frank went for the food I pulled the car over to the pumps and filled up. No one ran away screaming and the guy behind the counter seemed more interested in something else than he was in me. That in itself was gratifying because apparently I was just another routine customer at the pumps. The rest of the trip to the Canadian border was pretty uneventful. We had timed it just right since they were just moving the cones to be ready for the holiday rush. When our turn came for the usual obligatory questions the guard didn’t even look at us. She must have been close to the end of her shift because she mumbled out her questions and then told us to go. I think we could have told her we had nuclear weapons and she still would have passed us. We got into Niagara Falls and quickly found our hotel. I went in with Frank to get our room, the lobby was full of people but we were able to get to the counter quickly. The clerk offered us a better room and Frank negotiated a better deal. The room was absolutely great, large with a Jacuzzi, a round bed and a mirror over the bed. I hope the pictures come out. We settled our stuff in and headed out into town. Niagara Falls reminds me a lot of Las Vegas, lots of people on the street, lots of lights, lots of things going on. We walked over to the casino and I was ready to sit, its not easy to walk a mile in 4 inch pumps and Frank does have a tendency to stride. But we got there fine, changed our money and found some slots that looked good. We played for a couple of hours, Frank mostly lost and I broke pretty much even. Though at one point Frank came up behind me and kissed the back of my neck just as I made my play and I hit a really nice jackpot. We decided to call it quits and headed back to the hotel, figuring to get something to eat on the way back. We lucked out and found a really nice place along the way and got seated pretty quickly. Since I had more luck at the slots I treated dinner. We ordered a bottle of wine, for $18.75 Canadian or about $3.00 American. It tasted like it too. It had to have been made from the best moose sqeezings available. But the food was good, or so I thought. We headed back to the Jacuzzi. I had never been in a Jacuzzi before so it really was a lot of fun. I hope the pictures turn out. The next morning we woke up and both of us had a little bit of morning fuzz. We both took a couple of aspirin. My headache went away almost immediately, but I suddenly started getting these enormous stomach cramps. I thought it was just the aspirin and was able to get rid of them in short order. I felt a bit better but still kept getting cramps. Not wanting to spoil the weekend I attempted to forge ahead. We headed for breakfast (yuck) Frank ate I didn’t. The waitress knew I wasn’t feeling well and did her best to console. She was a sweetheart. We headed back to the Casino and wound up walking quite a ways on a gravel path. Tough in heels. We played the slots for a while but I needed to get some fresh air so we walked down to the falls. It was a long long walk, not really but to me it was, the next time I’m taking some flats. We were starting to wonder whether or not it was the sandwich or if some little gremlin wasn’t sticking her pins into a voodoo doll of me. It was bad enough that Frank went back after the car so I wouldn’t have to walk. I was never so glad to see a white car in my life. Frank was getting worried but we had come this far and I didn’t want cut things short. We figured that things would find their way through so we packed up and headed for Toronto and the party at the Wildside. I napped most of the way to Toronto and sat up when we got there. I’m glad Frank knew his way around because I was completely lost. We went into the Wildside and discovered that our reservations had been lost, confused or something as the room was no longer available. But we did find a nice place very close by so it was not a huge problem. Though, since we had to walk through town I decided not to wear my 6 inch heels and my dom outfit, I stuck with a nice conservative business suit. The party at the Wildside was not quite what I expected. It was a very nice get together of S.O.’s and TS’s and TV’s and a bit subdued. We didn’t stay for the whole party and Frank ate his steak and _ ‘s of mine because I really didn’t want food then either. We just went back to the hotel and went to bed. The next morning I was still feeling so so and started crying because I had ruined our weekend. Frank was great and was more worried about me than the weekend. I pulledmyself together and we packed up and headed out to change money back and to walk around a bit. We checked out a few stores got some tea and generally said our good-byes to Toronto. The trip out we ran into lots of heavy traffic. I think Canadians slam on their brakes if a bird fly’s overhead. Lots of stop and go at 2:00 PM on Sunday. We finally got to the American boarder and had the usual obligatory questions asked. The boarder guard asked Frank where he was born and Frank told him, then he turned to me and said. "What about you Ma am", and I told him Ohio. With out a blink he said ok go on through. The rest of the trip was pretty much a typical car trip home. In spite of everything I wouldn’t have missed it and hope to do something like it again soon.
A Small Victory This has been cross-posted on several e-mail lists and the author is unknown. A client of mine (I'll call her "Jane") is a pre-op, MTF TS, attending a California State University. She lives in the women's dorm, and therein lies the problem. When Jane was shopping for a school to attend, she informed the University that she was a pre-op TS, and also informed them she was looking for housing in the dorms. They welcomed her with open arms, and assigned her to the women's dorm, per Jane's request. Jane also bought 2 meals per day at the school facility as part of her housing package. Bathroom and shower issues were not a problem, as there were private facilities within the community bathroom that Jane could--and did--use. Jane has been full-time for 3 or 4 years, is totally passable (no one read her, not even her roommate). and very female in all respects save her penis. Her drivers license, social security and all other documentation had been changed to reflect her new name and gender. One day, someone in the housing department came across a document in which her gender status was mentioned and suddenly had a problem with her. Jane was hauled into a very intimidating meeting with the chancellor, the University general counsel, and some other University representatives, in which she was told that they were planning to evict her because she is pre-op. They demanded, as a condition for staying, that she out herself to everyone in the dorm and get their assent and permission for her to remain in the dorm (they denied her permission to speak with a lawyer and demanded that she make her decision right then and there). Jane did just what they wanted. She circulated a petition informing the dorm's women that Jane had a penis, and every single person in the dorm signed it, saying that they did not want Jane to be forced to leave. Not a single person had a problem with her. All wanted her to stay. Well, it wasn't to be that easy. Jane was then told that the "deal" was off, and that she would be evicted. She was served with legal papers demanding that she quit the premises within 3 days or face eviction. That's when I got involved. To make a long story short, we filed a claim against the State of California and prepared to defend the unlawful detainer action. The State was adamant that Jane was a male for rooming purposes, and one of their "settlement offers" consisted of housing Jane in the men's dorm (can you imagine?). The school was concerned that a young co-ed or her mother would be offended by Jane's penis and would sue the University. They wanted to evict Jane to protect themselves from liability. We negotiated at length, and from a strong position. Eventually, we won and University caved in completely. The only concession we had to make was a "face saving" documentation that Jane had properly changed her gender on her California Drivers License (we had argued that the State of California DMV recognizedher as female, so the State of California University system was required to recognize that as an official governmental determination of her gender, and upon proof of that change the University agreed to drop all legal proceedings and allow Jane to stay in the women's dorm). To their credit, the State of California attorneys were sympathetic to Jane's plight. But they were concerned about the school's liability for having a penis in a women's dorm. We waged an educational campaign (along with the threat of long, expensive, and public litigation of the issue), and the State was remarkably accepting of gender issues that had been totally foreign to them. At first, they had seen Jane as no more than a crossdresser, but after our TS 101 class they came to understand her true situation. This was instrumental in coming to a settlement. (I can't help but think that we also convinced them that we would win before a jury. If they thought they would have won they would have had no reason to settle. Fear of losing is the greatest motivating factor for lawyers!) In the end, the State of California has now knowingly approved of and recognized a PRE-OP mtf ts as FEMALE for purposes of housing in the most intimate situation they have. This is unprecedented in California and Jane has become the "foot in the door" for all other pre-ops to follow. Previously, pre-ops have successfully lived stealth in dorms, but this is the first time that a pre-op has been challenged and a knowing, willful, and official decision to house her in the female dorms has been made. Congratulations to Jane for her courageous victory, and to the California State University system for their courageous recognition and willingness to change. Things are getting better, little by little. Sarah
Transition Story Tell your story of "coming out" with emphasis placed on the setting, participants and events as they happened. Tell the story of how you came out at work, to a friend or family member. Keep your story concise, factual and maintain a time sequence. Use direct quotes to substantiate your story whenever possible. Use the provided list of questions to prompt your recollections. Vanessa W. will be collecting the stories. Any submissions or questions should be directed to her.
I need volunteers to call me as soon as possible for the Cleveland State
program which will now be Mon and Tues, Oct 5th and 6th from 12:00 PM - 2
if we need that much time. Call 216-382-7373 and leave a message on the machine
or tell whoever answers you want to be a participant. We need folks to tell
their story briefly and others to help teach Transgender 101. |
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