Happy Autumn Edition

Join Us!

The meeting will be on Thursday, October 7th. at our normal location, using our normal format.

If you are inspired to cook up an entrée for this month's meeting, please indulge yourself. Whether we eat & meet outside or in will depend on the weather ;-), so check your favorite local forecaster. If it's cold, we'll fall back to our inside menu items:

Items to bring:

If it'll be a nice evening, Bob will continue to practice his bar-b-que skills, to the envy of the entire neighborhood, with burgers and hot dogs.

Items to bring:

Need directions?

Call (216) 691-HELP (4357) or
e-mail Karen at karen_gross@transfamily.org.

TransFam Speaker Bureau is Reforming! Have an interest in reaching out to the community? Want to tell you story? Like to speak in public? Then we need you. The Transfam Speakers Bureau is looking for enthusiastic people to help inform the public on Transgendered issues. Want to find out more? Contact Debra London (email preferred) debxtc@geocities.com or (440)439-3845

SSAFE News

SSAFE Coalition has voted to accept TransFamily as one of the collaborative groups. Our name will now appear on all SSAFE brochures along with GLSEN, PFLAG, and Gay Lesbian Center. We need many of you to volunteer to help with their projects. Please call the center (216-522-1999) and Judy Maruszan, identify yourself as a member of TransFamily, and ask what you can do to help. Their biggest project is the annual fund raiser, which is held in either March or April (at the Cleveland International Film Festival). Let's have many of our members available to help with the project. In the fall, there will be a need for many of our members to speak at area schools. Please let the center know if you will be available.

The SSAFE presentation format typically involves volunteers in roles as a panel speaker and/or a more formal presenter of specific workshop topics. Future SSAFE training will feature two different trainings for these two types of roles.

Our panels are the most highly-rated aspect of SSAFE workshops. Panel speakers share a personal story about a school experience or other topic related to the effects of homophobia. In addition, panel speakers answer questions from the audience. The training focuses on how to tell those stories effectively and how to handle audience questions, especially when they may be difficult or even hostile. We also will be learning to connect with the audience and how to build visual images. This training will be on October 30th, from 9 am to 4:30 pm at the Red Cross, 3747 Euclid Ave., Cleveland.

The presenter role is being expanded to have more responsibility. The presenter will be able to lead a complete workshop, present various workshop topics, and facilitate panel presentations and audience questions. Presenters should first take the Panel Speaker training. If someone has professional or extensive presentation experience, the panel training may be waived. This workshop will be on November 6th, from 9 am to 4:30 pm at the Red Cross, 3747 Euclid Ave., Cleveland.

The PRYSM Poster Project is underway to increase access to support opportunities for GLBTQ youth throughout the county. The poster is titled “Value Yourself and the World Will Follow” and has a small box with info cards for students to take. We need help distributing posters to businesses and organizations through northeast Ohio. Please call Jen Kruger at The Center.

The Center is planning to start a new support group for adolescents with GLBT parents beginning in the Fall. If anyone is interested call Judy or Jen at The Center. The Center will determine the age range of the group depending on the interest of those who call.

Be sure to come visit our new Internet home at www.transfamily.org. We have a bulletin board, chatroom, and all of TransFamily's archived newsletters (the old newsletters have some great articles and information that still deserve attention!).

I'm working on the links sections now, and hope to have it up for your use in another week or two. If you have a personal favorite site to recommend, please send me an email at christy_scott@transfamily.org with a link to the site and a brief description of what the site is about. This includes those of you who have personal home pages. Be sure to let me know about them so I can include them in our "home page" section.

We also have an Amazon.com bookstore, which has been pretty successful so far. The titles on the bookstore page will bring the organization between 5 to 15% commission, which will be used to help defray costs of maintaining the web site. If you have a title you'd like to suggest for the bookstore, just drop me a line.

Another important thing to remember about our association with Amazon: If you go to the Amazon site through the ad banner on our site, TransFamily will receive commission on ANYTHING you buy from Amazon. This includes videos, DVD's, music, software, and auction items. So, if you plan on doing any shopping at Amazon, PLEASE go though the banner on the TransFamily site. We will be very appreciative!

I hope that you'll enjoy our new site, www.transfamily.org and find it a valuable resource.

The email lists have been both a rousing success and a disappointment. The disappointment is that we've had virtually no activity on the TransFamily list. This is the list that was created for our TG's, their spouses, SO's, and friends.

The rousing success has been the TransKids list, which was created for the parents of TG's. The amount of information, support, encouragement, advise, and general chit-chat that the group has exchanged has been truly amazing! Both Karen and I are so delighted with the results. It really has been heartwarming to both of us. We just wish the TG group could become as active as the parents.

---

From one of the parents on the TransKids list

It's a miracle of sorts. At some point in time we were apart, considering our families, perplexed, worrying, and -- perhaps worst of all -- feeling alone. Enter: The List. All of a sudden we don't feel so alone. We're still apart, still family-focused, perhaps still perplexed and worried, but we have this delicious sense of community, like a cyber village made up of people who have all different interests and goals -- but one extraordinary common issue -- and one commendable common goal: to achieve happiness for ourselves and those we love.

From: Jenny

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We've now created a special list for our TG teenagers to communicate with each other without worrying about "adults" peaking in.. Click here to subscribe to the http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/TransTeens. You can also send an email to either Karen or me.

Here are the url's to subscribe to the other email lists at OneList.COM .

• Click here to subscribe to the TransFamily Newsletter list http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/TransFamilyNews.
• Click here to subscribe to the TransKids list http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/TransKidsFamily.
• Click here to subscribe to the TransFamily discussion group http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/TransFamilyofCleve.

Remember, all subscriptions are approved by Karen, to ensure that the list's confidentiality will be maintained. Messages are sent to the list mail box, rather than the individual, and everyone receives a copy of the message. Anyone on the list can respond to a message. If you desire to personally respond to a message, privately and off of the list, please remember to change the email address from the list to the individual's. If you're concerned about getting too many e-mail's from the list, you can subscribe to a "digest" version of this list, which is delivered daily.

As you are probably aware, medical journals are not widely documenting this problem. To support my position, I need to gather testimonials from individuals who have experienced first-hand discrimination from their health care insurer or provider. I am looking for testimonials and anecdotes from people who have been:

1. denied medical insurance/medicaid or treatment for non-transitition related health problems;
2. denied emergency medical care;
3. denied hormone treatment or SRS;
4. denied insurance or medicaid reimbursement for hormone treatment or SRS
5. received general mistreatment by health care providers such as derogatory comments or hostile/transphobic therapists or psychiatrists.

If any of the following have occurred, I would like the person to:

1. describe what happened in as much detail as possible;
2. provide the approximate date;
3. name of insurance provider (ie Aetna, Medicare, none, etc), hospital and city, name of doctor (if can remember);
4. If the person appealed or complained about the mistreatment, what happened? (Please provide details of what was said and what was communicated by the insurers and/or health care providers.) If you did not appeal, why not?

In addition, when someone replies, please let me know whether you authorize me to use your name (optional) in my article. If it does appear, it will be in a footnote. Secondly, when my article is completed, I plan to archive my research with the National Center for Lesbian Rights. Please let me know whether you authorize me to archive your testimonial with or without your name. (Also optional.) Upon request, I will destroy all documentation. Finally, please let me know whether you would like to receive a copy of the article once I complete it.

If you know of websites or chatrooms where I can post this information, I will be extremely grateful. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions or concerns. Thank you for your time.

Send any testimonies to Kari Hong at keh28@columbia.edu

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Interviewees Needed For Research Project

Hi Karen,

I spoke to you this afternoon about getting in touch with people who have transgendered parents. I'm a senior at Oberlin College majoring in sociology and political science. My father and I are both gay. I've been interviewing people for about a year and a half because I wanted to make the kids of queer parents a lot more visible. I have a background in interviewing techniques as a sociology major. I'm interested in talking to people who are 18 years and older about their experiences and their opinions on things ranging from politics to religion. In a few years, I will compile these interviews into a book. I should be in Cleveland for about one and a half more weeks, then I head off to Oberlin. My number at home is (216) 229-8351; email is jessica.powers@oberlin.edu (that account forwards my mail to this account, so it doesn't matter to which account you reply). If there are some folks interested in talking to me, but they can't set up an interview with me while I'm in Cleveland, I would still like to hear from them. It might be possible for me to talk to them at a later time.

Jessica Powers

The drawing, below, was sent to us by Joanne, a 17 year old pre-op TS. Joanie drew this when she was 16, while being kept in what she calls "a room with no clocks" after a suicide attempt. Joanie says this drawing is part of her "UglyGirl2.0" series of art. The drawing is entitled "Embrace Your Soul."

Thank you for sharing this beautiful drawing with all of us, Joanie.

This is a coming out letter from a mother who gave this letter to her friends and co-workers. She suggested I share it with anyone else who might need to use this sort of letter. She said she had wonderful, warm responses from those who read this letter. I hope someone out there will find this helpful for that is what Pat is hoping will happen. Thanks, Pat, for sharing your excellent, informative letter with our group.

Karen Gross 

I have some news about my life that I would like to share with you. Actually, my news concerns my child (name). About a year and a half ago my child came to me to reveal a challenge and struggle that s/he has been going through, for well, her whole life. It was only after years of searching and researching that s/he finally realized what the internal dilemma was and that conclusions being that s/he is transsexual.

Before I go any further and in order to help you understand what a transsexual person is, I first want to tell you what it is not:

(a)  A transsexual person is not a crossdresser, formally known as transvestite. Crossdressers derive pleasure from dressing in the clothes of the opposite sex. Both sexes cross dress, females with relative impunity, noticeable males face society's disapproval. Cross-dressing is done for several reasons: personal pleasure, employment, costumes, for sexual activity, an outward expressive manifestation of an inward feeling. Most are heterosexual males who are married and have children, and by virtue of their nature, have an attraction to things feminine.

(b)  A transsexual person is not a homosexual, as homosexuality has to do with sexual preference and not gender identity.

Then what is a Transsexual person? It is a person who's own gender identity differs from conventional expectations of masculinity or femininity, and from the biological genitalia. Gender identity is one's internal sense of being either male or female; and for most people, there is no conflict. However, with transsexual persons there is a conflict; they grow up questioning their gender identity, which differs from their physical sex. In other words, as in my child's case, the brain says male but the body indicates female. It is one's sense of being.

No one really knows what causes transsexualism, but there are many theories. Transgendered people have been part of every culture and society in recorded human history; they have only recently become the focus of medical science. Even though the study of transsexualism is in its infancy, many medical researchers and endocrinologists now believe that this is rooted in complex biological factors that are fixed at birth. And thus, this is not a choice, but a personal dilemma. The head of the Department of Endocrinology at Albany Medical center, who my child sees, stated to her that it is his belief that while in-utero, the developing brain tissue does not make the switch thus giving way to this lack of congruency.

Because of this personal dilemma, the transsexual person experiences gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is a psychological term used to describe the feelings of pain, anguish and anxiety that arise from the mismatch between a transsexual person's physical sex and their gender identity and from parental and societal pressure to conform to 'gender norms'. Some transsexual persons discover at an early age that they are unable to live in the gender of their birth sex, but the majority struggle to conform in spite of intense suffering until their adult years. To seek relief, transsexual persons enter gender transition.

Gender transition is the period during which transsexual persons begin changing their appearances and bodies to match their internal gender identity. It is necessary at this time for them to "out" themselves to family, friends, employers, etc. Hormonal therapy can take several months to many years to effect the physical changes that will produce a passable appearance.

I realize that this letter may need to be re-read in order to absorb and understand the magnitude; but I hope I have given you adequate insight to this issue.

Since the age of four, I sensed my child was definitely unique, and I attributed this to be her developing into the spirit from which she was born. However, after college and looking from a distance I could see that s/he was struggling with an issue. On a few occasions I tried to open up a conversation on what was going on. But it didn't end up too well, so I learned that I couldn't confront or pry, but had to wait until she figured out and sorted through so much emotional turmoil so that she could appropriately identify her/him self and felt secure enough to do so.

My first reaction when s/he told me was something like being engulfed by a tidal wave with a rush of emotions to the point I didn't even know what I was feeling. My child handled the whole "coming out" with such strength and courage that I found comfort in it - I know I would have never had the strength or courage, I would have just lived a lie. S/he has always embraced life and cherished it - living every experience to the fullest. That night she explained to me what a transsexual is and what it means to be one, how she felt for so many years, and all the pain and shame she endured that one can only imagine. My heart and mind felt so heavy to think my child suffered so much pain and anguish, silently and alone.

Like most of the medical field and society at large, I was totally ignorant to what this all meant, this phenomena. Before s/he left that evening she gave me a book called True Selves by Dr Mildred Brown and Chloe Roundsley. This was an excellent idea for when she left I could begin to educate myself in order that I might understand and comprehend what this was all about. It took me about three months to read this book, because I felt such crushing pain at what my child had to deal with. I would cry alone and at times became so saddened that I couldn't motivate myself to do anything, not even go to work. In order to block to function, I had to block it from my mind, but when I would least expect it, it came rushing back in full force. I felt in order to accept my new daughter/son, as I knew her/him, would have to die. I cannot even begin to explain the level of intense sadness this brings to me.

Last October, s/he gave me an article called a "Mother's Journey," by Mary Boenke. Mary is the mother of a female to male transsexual. Mary is chairperson of the Trans Network (T-NET) and a Trans Activist. She is a retired psychotherapist with masters in social work/community organization and clinical psychology. At the end of the article, Mary gave her email address and phone number. Somewhere between this past Christmas '98 and New Years, I called her, as I could no longer stand the feelings of pain and isolation. She was wonderful to talk with and gave me the phone number of another couple from Ohio (Karen and Bob Gross) who also has a child who is a transsexual - another female to male. Speaking with Karen and Bob, I gained more information and insight as they shared their experiences with me.

At first I questioned, questioned, and questioned this entire issue. How? Why? Fear for her future, fear for her safety. Was it indeed the right path or was she being mislead. But after a year of that kind of thinking and looking back on her life, I am assured of one fact. When s/he was in the first grade and the teacher told the class to put their name on top of the paper she wrote George; - this was more than a reality. The teacher crossed off George and wrote a note, which said, "There is no one in this room named George." Little does she know, I still have that paper!

I thank God that I have always allowed her/him to be herself. It has enabled her to be strong.

During her/his childhood there were so many red flags, so many hints, who would have even thought it was all about this? She certainly was right there in front of our eyes - who would have thought something so unheard of would touch our lives?

As you might expect, suicide is high among transsexual people. Society always wants us to fit into neat little boxes and God forbid, we don't fit! Many transsexual people have suffered such ridicule and torment and thus have suffered intense shame. They suffer for something they have no control over - this is not a choice, it is who you are - your sense of being. Sadly, not all trans people have the support that they need from family and friends but instead receive rejection and are cast out. There are some who are supported, accepted, and loved. I ask myself who has the right to be so arrogant and pompous not to accept a human being for who they are - if not accept, at the very least, tolerate. And all who know me are aware that this has always been my thinking, that I feel so passionate. I feel that for those who refuse to be accepting or tolerating of others' differences, do so for two reasons.

# 1)  Because that is how they were taught to believe (learned behavior); or

# 2)  Because they themselves have such low self-esteem and lack self-respect that they have need to see others as less than themselves. In both cases, they can help themselves to change through education and knowledge.

I was always proud to be the mother of my child and as her transition progresses; I become the proud mother of my new child. I know the journey down this path holds much more pain and much more growth. The only total devastation for me would be not to have this wonderful human being in my life. The one who has opened me up to so many of life's beauties, the one who has brought more joy, love, excitement, memories and more gray hairs than any mother could ever hope for. I love my child with my whole being and I will always be there to love, cherish and support this very unique and special person. I hope that when you speak about my child you do so with respect and compassion. You will never know the pain that has been endured or the strength and courage that this has taken.

At this time, I want to thank you for taking the time to read this letter. If you have any questions or would like to talk to me further, please feel free.

One last thought, please understand that the confusion and shame are gone and what transcends is a God-given life which is to be lived to the fullest - as it was meant to be right from the very start.

I forget sometimes how far I have come. I often get depressed that my life isn't where I want it to be. I can run down a whole litany of dark spots; work, relationships, money, transition. Pick any one and I can get very down about it.

I love the way the Universe finds ways to provide a different view.

Phil had gotten my number from a local group that I belong to. He wanted to get together and talk about gender issues and seemed in a real hurry to do so. I agreed to meet him for coffee after a meeting I needed to attend.

As meetings do, this one ran late. Phil must of called me four times during the meeting. By the time we got together I was a bit annoyed.

He was soooo shy. I could barely hear him talk. He wouldn't tell me what he wanted to talk about because somebody might overhear the conversation. I tried to help him get comfortable, but he wouldn't budge. Of course, I was getting more annoyed. I thought, "This guy practically insisted we meet tonight and he won't even tell me what he wanted!" Yes, I was pretty frustrated with him.

While saying goodbye next to my car, we did begin to have an actual conversation. I started to see just how fear and shame he carried about his desire to crossdress. Guilt was all over him. I could see how it was weighing him down and crushing spirit.

I pointed out to him just how much pain I saw inside him and that there was another way. He didn't need carry all this guilt. His desires weren't wrong or dirty, just different. When we parted he seemed much lighter.

It hit me hard on my drive home. Phil was just how I use to be. All those years of shame and guilt came rushing up and I cried and cried. I remembered how dead I was and didn't even realize it. I hid myself from everybody and was petrified that anybody might discover my secret. Oh poor Phil, what a load to carry.

Then I saw my life as it is now. No, it is nowhere near perfect. But, what a distance I have come. I am proud to be a transgendered person. My heart is lighter and I can now look anybody in the eye, confidently. Thank you Phil, that was a wonderful reminder and a precious gift.

by Jane Scott

Perhaps it's the time of the year, but I sensed a subtle hint of change (insert your own meaning) in the air yesterday morning. The full lushness of summer seems to be preparing to give way to the beauty of autumn and the season of bounty. It seems that it is also a season for miracles!

Someone once told me (I wish I could remember who) to be careful what I prayed for because I just might get what I prayed for. I offer the following as both a source of encouragement to you and evidence that prayers do get answered and that miracles really do happen.

Back in 1990, when I first revealed to my mother that I was a transsexual, she replied, "Couldn't you just be gay?" From then until now she has struggled with being the parent of a transsexual child. There have been some funny moments and many more tearful ones in that time.

This past week however, things took a wonderful turn. Mom met Karen and Bob Gross! Much to her surprise (and I think to her relief) she found that there are many more people in the world in her situation.

"So what's the miracle," you ask? Mom is coming to the next TransFamily meeting! Please say hello. ; O)

In the meantime, as much as you might be struggling with who are, continue to reach out to your loved ones with love and patience and I will continue to pray for your miracle to happen. Who knows, someday I will be able to greet one of your loved ones at a TransFamily meeting I'd really like that.

Los Angeles Times, September 12, 1999   When Kimberly Peirce first read the account of Teena Brandon's murder in the Village Voice in 1994, she knew she had to do something.

Barely 21 years old, Teena Brandon was shot dead with two others in a farmhouse just outside Falls City, Neb. On the surface, this sort of multiple murder wouldn't necessarily make national headlines. Except that Teena Brandon, a.k.a. Brandon Teena, was killed for posing as a man.

"I felt this immediate kinship with Brandon," says Peirce, 30. "A lot of my friends pass as boys, and I wanted to understand what happened."

For the next five years, Peirce would piece together Brandon's story, eventually assembling her first feature film, "Boys Don't Cry," starring Hilary Swank and Chloe Sevigny and set for release by Fox Searchlight in New York on Oct. 8, Los Angeles on Oct. 22 and nationwide Nov. 5.

Her outrage over the crime initially compelled Peirce--then a graduate student in film at Columbia University--to stand vigil outside a Nebraska courthouse during the trials of the two men charged with Brandon's murder, each of which lasted just under two weeks. Both men were convicted.

Upon her return to her home in New York, Peirce decided to make her short thesis film about Brandon Teena, discarding her original script about a female Civil War spy who posed as a man. "For a lot of reasons, I'd always been interested in women who passed as men. It takes a lot of bravado, a lot of humor."

The completed film garnered enough attention for Peirce to approach Christine Vachon of Killer Films for financing. "Kim came to us originally with a script and footage from her short film based on the Brandon Teena story, and both showed promise," recalls Vachon.

Vachon, who has earned a solid reputation producing independent films such as "Kids" and "Velvet Goldmine," was intrigued enough to encourage the first-time filmmaker to develop the project. "It was clear from the beginning," Vachon says, "that Kim's intensity and passion for the story were going to take her far."

In fact, Peirce's passion led her to return to Falls City to find out what really happened. "I began experiencing the material," Peirce says. "I had a personal interest in making sure it was right.

"I fell in love with Brandon, with the charisma, the energy. It's so [expletive] daring. Here she was in a trailer park posing as a man! I think she was a real daredevil."

Pretending to be a man, Brandon had managed to seduce countless young women, including Lana Tisdel, who was 19 at the time and through whom Brandon met her killers. Some of these women eventually discovered Brandon's female identity (and some continued seeing her), while others were fooled into thinking she was a man, or misled into believing she was a hermaphrodite.

Throughout her relationships with women, however, Brandon insisted that she was not gay and often spoke of plans to have a sex change operation.

Brandon wooed each of these women with a passion that was unmatched by male rivals for the women's attention. The fact that, with her hair cut short, she resembled a very pretty boy--imagine a feminine Leonardo DiCaprio--didn't hurt either.

Tisdel ran with a rough, hard-drinking crowd, whose association Brandon, as Brandon Teena, cultivated. Two men in the crowd--John Lotter and Tom Nissen--who became outraged upon discovering that Brandon was a woman, ferociously assaulted and raped her on Christmas Eve 1993. In the following week, Brandon reported the crime to authorities, who, despite the viciousness of the assault, chose not to arrest Lotter or Nissen.

By New Year's Eve, Brandon was dead, killed by the same men who had raped her. They also killed Lisa Lambert, a single mother in whose home Brandon was staying, and Phillip DeVine, who was visiting Lambert that night.

The crime captured the imaginations of magazine reporters, documentary filmmakers, even true-crime writers, who descended on Falls City to cover the trials of Lotter and Nissen, and to uncover details of the murders. (Diane Keaton's Blue Relief Productions optioned the rights to true-crime author Aphrodite Jones' book "All She Wanted," with Drew Barrymore in mind for the role of Teena Brandon. Initially interested, Barrymore is no longer involved, although Blue Relief is still developing the project.)

But Peirce's persistence paid off. By befriending a court reporter, Peirce gained access to court documents, exhibits and transcripts from the murder trials. She also earned the trust of Tisdel, the woman who had inadvertently proved to be Brandon's downfall.

"When I first showed up at Lana's door in Falls City," says Peirce, "she acted really strange and told me to come back tomorrow. Turns out, she thought I was Brandon. I used to have short hair, like a tomboy. 'I keep seeing him places,' she told me, as if Brandon was somewhere waiting for her."

Peirce acquired the rights to Tisdel's story and quickly began assembling the script. (Tisdel has insisted she didn't know Brandon was a woman until the night of Brandon's rape, despite evidence to the contrary.)

Of the screenplay, Peirce--who shares screenwriting credit with Andy Bienen--says: "It was a very tortuous process to find the structure to fill in the gaps of what was known--what could be proven--with what wasn't known."

After Peirce tinkered with the script at the screenwriting and directing labs at Sundance Institute, Vachon felt the young director was ready to begin making the film.

The remaining obstacle was a formidable one: Who could play Teena Brandon? "Brandon was the center of my story, and the center of the movie, and in the end, the center of the tragedy," Peirce says.

A competitive casting call ensued, fueled, says Peirce, by curiosity about gay culture. "Everybody was coming in for Brandon, but they were all totally feminine! They didn't look anything like Brandon and had no sense at all of what it was like to be a boy."

Even Sevigny ("Kids," "Last Days of Disco"), who later landed the role of Lana Tisdel, auditioned for Brandon.

"Kim asked me at the audition if I'd ever wanted to be a boy," Sevigny says. "She was so passionate about the story that even though I wanted the part, I couldn't lie to her. I said, 'no.' "

Three weeks before the production was to begin, Peirce still hadn't found an actress to play Brandon; then, Hilary Swank's tape arrived. "We thought her name was made up," says Peirce, who was unfamiliar with Swank's film work in "The Next Karate Kid" and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer."

Within a few seconds, Peirce says, "On the tape, Hilary smiled, and I knew I had Brandon. The Brandon I knew was a charmer, and Hilary had that charisma that none of the other girls had."

Swank, who also appeared in a recurring role on "Beverly Hills, 90210," was drawn to the part by the challenge of passing as a young man. "Even after I auditioned and got the role," Swank says, "it was important to me that I pass as a boy, because I didn't want to ruin the story. Brandon obviously passed as a boy, and I wanted to play the part so that Brandon--if he were alive today--would say, 'Yeah, that's my story!' "

Peirce guided Swank's "transformation" into Brandon, urging her to live as a young man for weeks before filming. She cut her hair short and began to "strap and pack" (like Brandon, Swank strapped her breasts and wore a sock in her jeans).

Swank says her husband, Chad Lowe, was especially supportive, helping her fine-tune her male swagger and even introducing her as "James" at Swank's request when they were out in public.

"I didn't meet the actors until I was fully transformed," says Swank. "I [couldn't] ever imagine her as a girl," Sevigny says. "She showed up at the wrap party decked out as a girl, and I had never seen her that way."

Filming began in October 1998 in and around Dallas, parts of which resemble Falls City. "We were straining against the budget at all times," Vachon says of the production, which was less than $2 million. "But we wanted Kim to feel like she could push the envelope, to take the film in as many directions as she possibly could."

Peirce says there are no definite plans for her next film, although she is working on a script that will "spiritually" pick up Tisdel and Brandon's story where Peirce left off. "It's about a woman," she says, "who goes into the world of the dead to reclaim a lost love."

Perhaps most daunting for those who participated in "Boys Don't Cry," was the challenge of staying true to the people whose lives are portrayed in the film.

"I hate it, it's difficult," says Sevigny, who nevertheless says her performance as Tisdel is the best she has ever given. "It's this person's life experience; it's had this huge impact on her; and here we are condensing it into two hours."

For Swank, telling Brandon's story was vital. "We are reenacting something that happened to somebody. Yes, it's not easy to watch, but it's important not to mute it, because people need to know what goes on in the world."

"By its nature, the film reduced the reality Brandon faced," says Peirce, who notes she toned down much of the violence Brandon actually experienced. "The real story is a kind of horror that I think few people will ever know."

Anne Bergman Is a Los Angeles-based Freelance Writer

I have been collecting through donations and cleaning and some folks I know who are moving. I have quite a lot of clothing, baking pans and muffin pans,etc and clothing which I would like to get to those who can use it. It would be a great idea to have a clothing exchange!! Anyone interested?

Contact Kateygr@aol.com to let me know. In the meantime, I have also collected a lot of serving pieces that have been left behind and need to find their old homes or new homes:o) So please start collecting your unwanted clothing and bring it to the next meeting. Many others can use what you have no further use for.

Hey folks, we need some input. This family newsletter is for the whole group. Please share! Turn in articles and ideas as soon as possible so that they may be included in the next newsletter. Also, don’t forget to inform us of the date, time and place of upcoming events.

If you have any ideas, articles, poems, etc. for the next newsletter, please get them to Karen or Christy at the next meeting, or calling (216) 691-HELP (4357) or e-mail Karen at karen_gross@transfamily.org or Christy at christy_scott@transfamily.org

Due to unforeseen circumstances, Dr. Sheila Kirk will NOT be able to come to Cleveland for the previously promoted F2M Surgical presentation until after the New Year. To the best of our knowledge, this is not a Y2K issue.... okay, I was just kidding about the Y2K business. ( I never could resist a good acronym pun. ) Seriously, as soon as we have a firm date for Dr. Kirk's presentation, we will announce it through the email list.

We CAN announce that Dr. Kirk's Transgender Surgical & Medical Care Center now has a web presence. You can learn about TG surgical procedures and approximate fees at http://www.tsmccenter.com.

Just a reminder that we are still collecting "Before and After" pictures for the collage that Karen is creating. This collage will be used at speaking engagements to "put a face" on the issues of transgenderism. If you would like to contribute your face(s), please give the pictures to Karen.

Our library is still missing many books and videos. If you have borrowed something from the library and did not sign it out, please return them so that we can keep track of our library items and make them available to others. (This includes items that were borrowed before the sign out policy was implemented.) Books and copies of videos are expensive. We want to keep our library stocked and available, so please help by making sure that you sign out and return all items. Thanks.

October

October 3 AIDS Walk Akron walk and 5k run to raise money for AIDS service organizations, 1:30p registration, 3pm step off, Cascade Plaza downtown Akron; 330-375-2000.

October 6 Dine with the Queen Mother, Quentin Crisp at Lake Effect Restaurant 4204 Detroit Ave. Cover of $10 which benefits The Center. Dinner seating at 8pm- conversation with Quentin at 10pm. Bar seats available. Photos with Quentin will be available for $3. Call Lake Effect for reservations 216-939-3000. Quentin will also be appearing at Cleveland Public Theatre that weekend.

October 7 TransFamily of Cleveland, 6:30pm, call 216-691-HELP (4357) or e-mail to karen_gross@transfamily.org for directions.

October 8 Gay/Straight Student Clubs: Why and How an NEOEA Day Workshop sponsored by GLSEN Cleveland and SSAFE. American Red Cross 3747 Euclid Ave. $20 for non-members $10 for NEOEA members (includes lunch) For more information or to register call Judy Maruszan 216-522-1999.

October 8th-10th Out in Akron presents Harvey Fierstein and Chastity Bono. Order your tickets to see Harvey Fierstein in Concert, Now! For tickets 1-800-494-TIXS for $20. The weekend events will take place at the Highland Theater in Akron's Highland Square. For more info go to Out In Akron's home page at www.rainbow-akron.com/oia.

October 11 National Coming Out Day!

October 14 It's Time Ohio Columbus meeting, ( Location TBA ) at 7:30 pm.

October 16 Cleveland Couples Together annual hayride

October 15-17 Community Dance Party Weekend! October 18 Hillcrest/NE Ohio PFLAG, 7pm at the Noble Road Presbyterian Church, 2728 Noble Rd., Cleveland Heights, call 216-691-HELP (4357) or e-mail to Kateygr@aol.com

October 22 Put Out The Candles and Pick Up the Pens... On the one year anniversary of Matthew Shepard's murder, let's send a message to our lawmakers that we have not forgotten here in Ohio! Join us at Zion United Church of Christ 2716 West 14th Street (Tremont) at 6:30pm. Sponsored by The Lesbian/Gay Community Service Center. For more information call 216-522-1999.

October 24 Join The Center for our Annual Meeting at Euclid Ave Congregational Church 9606 Euclid Ave.

October 30 SSAFE Panel Speakers Training 9 am to 4:30 pm at the Red Cross, 3747 Euclid Ave., Cleveland. Call the Center for more details.

November

November 2 Election Day Vote!

November 4 TransFamily of Cleveland, 6:30pm, call 216-691-HELP (4357) or e-mail to karen_gross@transfamily.org for directions.

November 6 SSAFE Workshop Presenter Training 9 am to 4:30 pm at the Red Cross, 3747 Euclid Ave., Cleveland. Call The Center for more details.

November 11 It's Time Ohio Cleveland meeting, location TBA.

November 11 Veterans' Day Go hug a vet and let them know you appreciate their sacrifice.

November 15 Hillcrest/NE Ohio PFLAG, 7pm at the Noble Road Presbyterian Church, 2728 Noble Rd., Cleveland Heights, call 216-691-HELP (4357) or e-mail to Kateygr@aol.com

WHO: You, we hope! And other folks from around Ohio who want to help bring about equal rights for transpeople in Ohio.

WHAT: The October meeting of It's Time, Ohio!

WHERE:The location will be announced shortly.

WHEN:Thursday, October 14, at 7:30 PM.

WHY:To help make Ohio safe for gender-variant people like us, because your support is urgently needed, because it's empowering and lots of fun, and because we like you! M-O-U-S-E.

The Northeast Regional Conference of PFLAG will be held in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, on November 13th and 14th. A major feature will be a transgender workshop/presentation with 4 TG people (1 non-op FTM, 1 FTM whose SRS date's back 20 years, 1 MTF, ! CD) and the mother of a youthful FTM from Shrewsbury, MA. Daphne Reed, Regional Director of NE Region's TNET, will present the speakers.

Preview announcements of Fall TV shows that will feature gay/trans characters and plots include ABC's O, Grow Up, Wasteland, Then Came You, Drew Carey Show, Will and Grace, Spin City; also, NBC's Suddenly Susan, Friends, Profiler, Homicide: Life on the Street, NYPD Blue, ER, Veronica's Closet; also, CBS's Chicago Hope, Nash Bridges; also FOX's Action, Beverly Hills, Simpsons; also WB's Popular, Dawson's Creek; also PBS's [questionable] Sesame St., Teletubbies; and Comedy Central's South Park.

The Great Lakes Region and the Dayton, Ohio Chapter of Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays is presenting their Education For The New Millennium Conference on October 1st through the 3rd, 1999 at the Doubletree Hotel in Dayton, Ohio.

There will be workshops and panels on topics as:

• Building More Effective Support Groups
• Building Diverse Coalitions
• Safe Schools
• Youth Groups
• Hate Crimes
• Legislative Update
• Religious Issues

Registration is $75 per person. These fees do not include lodging. For more information, please call Micki Adams or Donna Avnaim at 937-767-9393 or adamsmicki@aol.com.

As mentioned above, the registration fees do not include lodging. Reservations can be made at the Doubletree Hotel by calling 937-461-4700. Mention the "PFLAG Regional" to get a special room rate of $79.00

As PFLAG is now trans inclusive, let's have show of support from our TransFamily group at this conference.

Fantasia Fair will be held in Provincetown, MA from October 17th through the 24th, 1999. Professional and personal development workshops are scheduled to include community, spiritual,medical & psychological, relationships- couples & family, sexuality, sensuality & intimacy, and programs designed especially for significant others.

Invited presenters include Alison Laing, photographer Mariette Pathy Allen, Richard Doctor, Neila Miller, Michael Gilbert, Marilyn Volker, and Sandra Cole.

For more information about the pricing options and expanded activities, please visit the Fantasia Fair website at www.fantasiafair.org

To register for Fantasia Fair or to make travel arrangements, please contact Provincetown Reservations Systems at their website www/ptownres.com or call 800-648-0364. You can also write to:

Maggie's 10th annual Fall Harvest will be held in Milwaukee on November 11th through the 13th at the Radisson Hotel Mayfair. Invited presenters include Sandra Cole, Randi Ettner, and Dr. Shelia Kirk

For more information you can email fallharvest99@usa.net, check the web site at www.netwurx.net/~fallharv99 or call 414-297-9328.

The 14th Annual The International Foundation for Gender Education (IFGE) National Convention is scheduled for March 22nd through the 26th, 2000 at the Hilton Crystal City in Arlington, Virginia. To make sure you get details about this event when they become available, write to:

The World Congress of Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Jewish Organizations and New Jersey's Lesbian and Gay Havurah proudly announce that they will co-host HORIZONS 2000, the 16th World Conference of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Jews. The conference will take place from Thursday, July 27 through Sunday, July 30, 2000, at the Woodcliff Lake Hilton, Woodcliff Lake, New Jersey.

New Jersey's Lesbian and Gay Havurah has been home to the area's Jewish/Gay community for nearly a decade. The Havurah is honored to have been chosen to host this international conference for The World Congress in their 20th anniversary year. It is anticipated that 300 attendees from as far away as Israel, South America and Eastern Europe will participate in this conference in northern New Jersey.

The conference will feature seminars, entertainment, religious services, speakers and schmoozing. For more information, call 1-732-650-1010, write to HORIZONS 2000, P. O. Box 2576, Edison, NJ 08818-2576, send email to conf@njhav.org, or visit us on the web at www.njhav.org

TransFamily is still compiling a collection of gender-friendly services and resources for our membership. This guide will include medical, legal, and psychological resources that have been endorsed by our members, families, and friends. In addition, we want to post other businesses and resources we have dealt with on day-to-day matters, such as stores, restaurants, garages, etc.

The guide will serve as the first practical guide for gay, lesbian, bisexual and `transgender individuals seeking community assistance in this area. It is further envisioned that these businesses will advertise in our newsletter and/or possibly provide us with group support in the communities, in which we live and work.

Before any individual or business can be listed a consent form must be obtained and recorded in our files. The forms will be made available at the October TransFamily Meeting. Please see Debra London.

If you have a business venture that you wish to announce or advertise in the TransFamily newsletter and on the TransFamily web site, our new policy is described below.

A one time, one paragraph announcement for a TransFamily member's business will be run for free.

To continue advertising in subsequent issues, you will need to supply a business card, or ad copy that will fit into a 2 x 3 1/2 inch space. If the ad material are sent through email, the actual copy and any accompanying images should be sent separately. The copy should be in a TXT file, while logos/images should be either JPG, TIF, or GIF format. Send this information to advertise@transfamily.org.

RSL COM
Hi TransFamily M-to-Fs! Most of you already know me. My name is Randi Barnabee, and I have been to most of our meetings since my first one last January. I just want to let you know that I became a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant several months ago, and I am available to meet your cosmetic & skin-care needs with the discretion and special understanding that only another M2F woman can give. I began with Mary Kay because I was tired of getting substandard makeup and skin care products from the regular retail outlets. Also, I did not always feel comfortable shopping in public, even after living the Real Life Test for over a year. Unlike most Mary Kay consultants, my interest is not in generating record-breaking sales or recruiting tiers of consultants to work under me and generate commissions for my benefit. I simply want to provide high quality products and service to people on a one-to-one basis. I will meet you in your homes, my home, or anywhere you feel comfortable -- whatever it takes to help you feel and look your best. Please feel free to call me at my home telephone number anytime. I look forward to working with you. Phone (440) 946-7017 or email me at RandiBJD@aol.com.
Personal Beauty Consultant Service	Trans-Friendly Legal Service	Mary Kay Cosmetics
Hi TransFamily M-to-Fs! Most of you already know me. My name is Randi Barnabee, and I have been to most of our meetings since my first one last January. I just want to let you know that I became a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant several months ago, and I am available to meet your cosmetic & skin-care needs with the discretion and special understanding that only another M2F woman can give. I began with Mary Kay because I was tired of getting substandard makeup and skin care products from the regular retail outlets. Also, I did not always feel comfortable shopping in public, even after living the Real Life Test for over a year. Unlike most Mary Kay consultants, my interest is not in generating record-breaking sales or recruiting tiers of consultants to work under me and generate commissions for my benefit. I simply want to provide high quality products and service to people on a one-to-one basis. I will meet you in your homes, my home, or anywhere you feel comfortable -- whatever it takes to help you feel and look your best. Please feel free to call me at my home telephone number anytime. I look forward to working with you. Phone (440) 946-7017 or email me at RandiBJD@aol.com.	My name is Randi Barnabee. Most of you already know me from my participation in TransFamily meetings, etc. I work as a legal assistant with attorney Deborah Smith, my "significant other." I am a retired military attorney, licensed in Maryland, and I plan to take the Ohio bar next summer. At that point Debbie and I will begin practicing law as partners. Debbie's primary areas of practice are in Estate Planning and Probate (wills, trusts, etc.). We also have expanded to include some of the more general areas of law as well. We are especially attuned to the special needs and circumstances of the GLBT community, and would be happy to work with anyone. If a topic is beyond our expertise, we will help you locate other attorneys who are likewise GLBT-friendly and appropriately experienced to assist you. Please call us at (330) 963-0069 (work) or (440) 946-7017 (home) or email me at RandiBJD@aol.com if we can be of assistance. We look forward to working with you and helping you with your legal matters.	My name is Katherine Harvey. Several months ago I started using Mary Kay cosmetics and skin care products, and I liked them so well I decided to market them. My skin has gotten much softer and radiant since I started regular use. I also think the make-up colors are great, and the mascara and lipstick don't cake or wear off like so many other drug store brands. I know that one of the more difficult things to do as a T woman is to shop for cosmetics in a department store, especially when you are first starting out. With Mary Kay, you can get the quality, selection and consultation of the department store brands in the comfort and convenience of a private setting. It's a great way to start looking better and feeling more confident. The prices, by the way, are quite reasonable.I hold regular sessions at my home to show the products and talk to people about their skin care and cosmetic needs. I am also willing to travel to make presentations to small groups. Call me at (216) 226-2964 or email Kathy1994@aol.com if you are interested.

---

Dan Woog's third book on gay and lesbian issues is just out, and the author of "Jocks" and "School's Out" believes it is his most important work yet. Of special interest to trans people and their relatives and friends, the book is very trans-inclusive.

"Friends and Family: True Stories of Gay America's Straight Allies" (Alyson Books, 1999), celebrates more than 40 straight men, women and teenagers who are doing incredible things in and for the gay community. From staid New England to the islands of Hawaii, and every place in between, many wonderful straight folks "get it." They have not received much fanfare - but their work is awe-inspiring, and this is their book.

Two chapters include the work of trans allies, Mary Boenke and Bob and Karen Gross. Their stories of acceptance, embracing and, finally, action, are important for all readers, gay and straight.

Quietly, confidently and heroically, they are among many people affecting change in every area of American society today. The book also includes:

· Dan Foley, the attorney arguing the Hawaii marriage case because it is a simple matter of justice

· Al and Jane Nakatani, who lost two sons to AIDS, and speak nationally on the importance of unconditional love

· 95-year-old Frannie Peabody, the toast of the Portland, Maine gay community for her thousands of kind acts, large and small

· The spiritual work of several religious figures: a rabbi in Ohio, a Baptist minister from Alaska whose church was de-fellowshipped because of his gay rights advocacy, but whose congregation never lost faith; a teacher in a Christian school who lost his job for defending his gay son, and a Utah couple with two gay children who are politely but fiercely battling the Mormon Church

· Barb Solomon, who provides a safe place in cyberspace for gay youngsters and their parents

· Doyle Criswell, a self-professed North Carolina "redneck" who found his mission in life when his son died of AIDS

· Steven Cozza, a 14-year-old Eagle Scout leading a national petition drive to get the Boy Scouts to change their anti-gay policies, and Sol Kelley-Jones, a 12-year-old girl who lobbies her Wisconsin legislators in support of her two moms;

· Carolyn Golojuch, whose gay son was tormented on a military base, and took her outrage all the way up the chain of command to the Pentagon;

· Gabi Clayton, Stephanie Reed and Leslie Sadasivan, three mothers whose gay teenage sons committed suicide, and who are doing everything in their power to prevent any other gay youngster from doing the same.

Other chapters feature a woman who started a school for gay teenagers in Dallas; the former police chief of Portland, Oregon who marched for gay rights long before he knew his own daughter was a lesbian; a pair of North Carolina grandmothers who battled their homophobic senator, Jesse Helms; an Indiana teacher disciplined for displaying a gay-positive poster, and much, much more.

"Friends and Family" is an important book. It moves far beyond the message of "acceptance" of gay people by straight family and friends. It is the first book to tell the wonderful tales of straight allies whose hard work is making the world a safer, saner place for gays and lesbians. It inspires straight Americans who wonder what they can do to help their gay friends and relatives; at the same time it proves to gay Americans that there are many straight allies, working hard every day in areas as diverse as education, religion, the law, cyberspace, AIDS/HIV and the military.

"Friends and Family: True Stories of Gay America's Straight Allies" is available at all bookstores, and through the TransFamily website at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1555834914/transfamilyofcle

TransFamily of Cleveland was founded to provide support and education for transgender persons, their families, friends and significant others. We hope to form an outreach group to promote awareness of transgender persons and their issues through PFLAG and to bring awareness to our school systems, through their principals and counselors, by offering literature, speakers, consultation and support.

Why DID The Chicken Cross The Road?

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of the chicken to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was an historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSAIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

KEN STARR
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the President of the United States of America, in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing, our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided it cooperates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook-and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?

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