TransFamily - Spouses And Partners

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SPOUSES & PARTNERS

So, what do you do if your husband, wife, or partner suddenly drops the bomb shell on you that they believe they're the wrong sex? Unfortunately, there is precious little GOOD information out there for spouses/partners who are looking for answers. Many sites are out of date or the links are broken. Other sites are written by a transgendered individual and targeted towards the spouse/partner.... not necessarily what someone in that position is looking for. Here's what we can offer:

FROM TRANSFAMILY

NEED TO KNOW INFORMATION

OTHER RESOURCES

Either Way

You start your day by shaving your legs.
Then you pull on your hose
And slip on your dress.
Finally you get your hair
and make-up done.
When you enter the room
I'm just stunned.
You're so beautiful in so many ways.

I look into your deep brown eyes
And I can see the love in your
heart and the light into your soul
Your passionate and caring
Yet strong and protective.
You're a Father yet a Mother
And most of all
You're my Friend, lover and my life.

So do what you need to
And wear what you choose
Just remember no matter what
gender you portray,
I love you either way.

Miriam's Story was written by the Cynthia Scott's spouse, Miriam. The text is a transcript of a video presentation Miriam made for Straight Spouse panel discussion during the April 2000 the Millennium March On Washington. It describes Cynthia's transition from Miriam's perspective and attempts to answers the many questions other spouses in Miriam's position might have.

Being Brave. Miriam's story continues as she discusses some of the challenges and blessings of being married to a transexual.

Miriam defines the grey area many partners find themselves in with the Monosexual Manifesto.

TransFamily Spouses Discussion List
This list is intended as support group exclusively for the spouses/life partners of transitioning individuals. The list is moderated by Miriam Scott, who is also on the Straight Spouse Network's board of advisors.

Click to subscribe to TransFamily Spouses

Our Trans Children is a booklet that Mary Boenke wrote for PFLAG. Acrobat Plug-In Required. The pages of this booklet will give you a very good over view of what "transgendered" means, what the transgendered individual feels, is up against, and needs to do to resolve the issues. Keep in mind that this booklet primarily deals with transsexuals. Most of your initial questions will be answered in Mary's text. This booklet serves as an excellent introduction to the subject, and is a companion piece to Mary's book Trans Forming Families: Real Stories About Transgendered Loved Ones.

Revised Benjamin Standards Of Care are intended to provide flexible directions for the treatment of persons with gender identity disorders. This is the "Bible" that recommends how transgendered people must be cared for by the medical community. This is the sixth and most current revision. For the spouse/partner, this is very important to know information.

Sexual Orientation Confusion Among Spouses of Transvestites and Transsexual Following Disclosure of Spouse's Gender Dysphoria
The abstrat of a research study conducted by Sallie Hunt, M.A., MFCC Private Practice Adjunct Faculty California State University, Fresno Fresno City College and Terri L. Main, M.A., MFCC Intern Kings River Community College. (A bit dry, but very interesting).

Stages Of Grief
Anita Lees, wife of a transsexual, outlines the stages of grief that a SOFFA (Significant Other, Friend, Family, or Ally) usually goes through.

The Transsexual Person in Your Life
Directed mainly for spouses, this page has answers to some frequently asked questions/frequently held concerns.

The Other Side of the Closet : The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families by Amity Pierce Buxton
This book was written for the straight spouse of a gay/lesbian, although some of the issues are common. Dr. Buxton analyzes six key issues a straight spouse faces when a partner `comes out' including damaged sexuality, threatened marital relationships, conflicting spouse/parent roles, devalued self-concept, destroyed integrity and shattered belief systems. Dr. Buxton has spoken at TransFamily.

Straight Spouse Network
Reaching out, healing, building bridges. SSN is an international support network of heterosexual spouses and partners, current or former, of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender mates. Members provide confidential personal support and resource information to spouses and partners nationwide and abroad. The local SSN contact for TransFamily is Miriam, email at miriam@transfamily.org

Tri-Ess
Tri-Ess is an educational, social and support group for heterosexual crossdressers, their spouses or partners and their families. They support both crossdressers and their spouses.

S.P.I.C.E.
The SPICE conferneces are sponsored by Tri-Ess. Spice focuses on the attributes, affects, consequences and coping skills needed when women or men are confronted with and attempting to adjust to the phenomenon of crossdressing in their significant other.

The Couples Page
Vanessa & Linda Kaye's site devoted to making a relationship work.

Reba's Journal
From 1998, a couple of weeks in the life of a the wive of a transgendered individual.

Trans-Positioned
Excellent article by a lesbian partner of an F2M.

Even Genetic Girls Get the Blues
An FAQ styled page for wives/partners of cross-dressers, outling the issues and detailing some coping mechanisms.

Myths & Misconceptions About Crossdressers
Another good FAQ styled page aimed mainly at wives who have just discovered their husband is a transvestite.

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